Little Kiwi's Word Museum of Wonder and Terror

Ally of the Year

2012-01-30T13:29:00.000-08:00

Brian Burke, General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Proud ally of the LGBT Community.

Brian's son, Brendan, Came Out a number of years ago and was tragically killed in a car accident before Brian was able to fulfill a promise to his son to march in the LGBT Pride Parade with him. Mr. Burke, however, continues to honour his son by not only marching with PFLAG in the Toronto Pride Parade but by continuing to be a visible and vocal advocate for the LGBT Community.

This man is a hero.

Thank You, Mr. Burke. Brendan would be so proud of you.

It's the Little Things...

2011-12-29T09:35:00.000-08:00

Nothing big, nothing major. Or is it? Maybe it is. A Christmas card, from my sister and brother-in-law, that addresses a brother and his boyfriend. A card for people who love their gay siblings.

It's the little things that make you happy, and with it the realization that maybe they're not so little after all...

Brian Burke - A Proud Ally

2011-12-21T19:49:00.001-08:00

Brian Burke, Toronto Maple Leafs general manager and father of the late Brendan Burke, shares a message and a plan to help make life better for LGBT youth and the community.

Make it Beautiful

2011-12-13T20:52:00.001-08:00

Oh, Mike Murphy. You beautiful, beautiful man with your incredible eye for beauty in unexpected places and things. Check it out, folks. This is how you make your pad look amazing, and give it your own personal flavour.

Good tips, great ideas and he sure is heaven to look at.

Tags: Gay Video & Lesbian Movies, Logo: Fierce TV

The Unbearable Whiteness of Being

2011-11-23T14:03:00.000-08:00

Oh, Abercrombie & Fitch. How you never change. They say "if it aint broke don't fix it" but the problem is that something is indeed pretty darn broke but A&F and a great many other clothing companies and advertisers have no interest in fixing it. Mainly because it doesn't affect them directly, nor their profits.

Abercrombie & Fitch, as everyone well knows, is a clothing line targeted and marketed to young'uns with SEX on the brain. SEX SEX SEX. Their catalogues are softcore porn, their clothing models are often barely clothed, they staff shirtless "greeters" in their stores which happen to be as brightly lit as your average bathhouse. None of that irks me, however. Not remotely. I'm no Puritan. What bothers me is the overwhelming Whiteness of it all. White White White. White folks all around.

The Whiteness of Abercrombie & Fitch is well known enough that even Family Guy calls it out:

Family Guy - AbercrombieDiversity Joke

Get More: Family Guy - Abercrombie Diversity Joke

It's a joke. Only it's not a joke as it seems the company itself doesn't give a fuck. "Aberzombies" has even officially become a well-known and oft-used parody name.

Who wears Abercrombie & Fitch? Well, millions of people clearly and it remains very popular with the younger gays and the not-so-young gays who still desperately want to look like Young Gays. It's pseudo-wannabe "jock" wear. Shirts that proclaim "VARSITY!" in big old letters across the chest. Yeah. Varsity........riiiiiiight. Wearing that shirt that reads ABERCROMBIE across the front, in letters as big as your face, and VARSITY across the back is totally gonna make people think that you're a rough-and-tumble sports lover.

*le sigh*

Their marketing is very specific - it's not just buying a shirt, it's buying into a very specific image - Privileged And White. Their clothes are not cheap. To wear them means you're a White With Money. For the gays it's clothing for those who are still under the delusion that wearing A&F makes one not only look like a Straight White Jock (note: it doesn't) but that it also makes one appealing to said Straight White Jocks....in a decidedly non-straight way. Clothing for gay people who want to look "straight" who don't realize that nothing looks gayer than what they just bought at A&F - ensembles that embody what a clueless gay person thinks about straight people.

You all know how I feel about this bullshit culture of "no fats femmes asians or blacks."

Well, here are the latest promotional photos from Abercrombie & Fitch's Black Friday sales.

Uh......right. Is "no fats femmes asians or blacks" their casting call motto? And before someone says "NO! There are totally some black and asian guys in there!" can we please be fucking honest? It's 2011 - sprinkling token minorities into the background, and grouping them together doesn't exactly count. That's like saying "No, there are TOTALLY black people in the film 'Steel Magnolias', they play the help and they don't have any lines." At least in the case of Steel Magnolias ithas the justification of being a very specific story about a very specific Southern White Experience. A&F? What's their excuse?

You can almost hear the voice of the Assistant Director saying "Wait! bring a black guy closer to the front! No, no not THAT close to the front!.... Just closER....yeah, ok good. Now put one more white boy in front of him. Ok, yeah. that's good. Now make sure those Asians in the back STAY in the back! Whew."

Concepts of beauty are Societal. They're not innate. Abercrombie & Fitch continue their legacy of worshipping Whiteness and telling people that White is what is beautiful. And not just white, a very specific square-jawed superbuffed version of white. Am I saying it's wrong to like white square-jawed adonis-built men? No. Not at all. I'm sayingit's more than a little disconcerting to see a sea of bonafide clones and then the most condescendingly sprinkled pockets of "colour" in the mass of cracker.

This sends out very specific messages: this is how you have to look to be beautiful. Incredibly muscled, square-jawed, and white. WHITE. A few of you non-whites might slip through the cracks and find yourself considered beautiful as long as you gym-buff that body to such a degree that you can effectively make one forget your ethnicity and focus instead on your body-fascist approved physique.

*le even bigger sigh*

This is the reason that people don't understand why their racial/ethnic preferences have a societal root and not an innate one. All the images of beauty and power and sexiness that we are culturally sold worship the Altar of Whiteness. And even when they get called out on it, repeatedly over the decades, they see no reason to change their ways. Why should they? They're not losing any money and money is all that matters. Right? To some, I suppose.

In a world where diversity is the only Universal Constant, and in 2011, it's just beyond depressing to see that not only is Beauty one thing (and one thing only) to a great many people, but the companies responsible for promoting that idea and concept have no intention whatsoever in actually being inclusive to diversity in their marketing. Not only do they not care about marketing to non-whites, they don't care about what their white-focused marketing does to everyone, white or otherwise, in our culture.

If I could ask Abercrombie & Fitch a favour it would be this - Can you please be more inclusive and celebratory of actual diversity in your advertising, your energy and your outlook? You are looked at by young people, you are indeed shaping the way that they see themselves and others. Be aware of that, and be responsible with this power. Beauty comes in many colours, shapes, sizes and demeanors.

----------------

*EDIT

Just released is this photo from Abercrombie & Fitch Singapore. Yeah, Singapore. And yet they still find a way to favour whiteness. *sigh*

You're Not Really Anti-Gay

2011-11-13T15:06:00.000-08:00

Anti-Gay Conservatives are a funny bunch. And by funny I mean pathetic. It's the sheer hypocrisy of their illogical excuses that makes my wee little head spin.

Look at anti-gay males and you will see that they fall, exclusively, into one of TWO very specific subgroups of Collective Hypocrisy - those that (secretly or not-so-secretly) masturbate furiously to lesbian porn, and those that (exclusively secretly) masturbate furiously to gay male porn.

This neo-Nazi group in Poland that has adopted a "gay image" as their official anti-gay party logo. RIGHT. See? Male-male anal sex. It won't be an image of two lesbians performing oral sex on each other. How could it? These dudes no doubt LOVE watching lesbians have sex.

There are the fear-based factors: guys see male-male affection as a betrayal of gender. But not female-female affection because females only exist to sexually arouse straight males anyway ( in their minds...). So lesbians are fine because women aren't persons - they're just sex objects. This is why conservatives don't like the idea of women breast-feeding their infants in public: to them, breasts are sexual things. They're not, you know, those things nature intended to be used to feed the young. They object to a "woman breastfeeding" - forgetting it's about a child's right to be fed.

A straight man who is confident in himself and his attractions will not have any objection to gay males, male nudity, or male sexuality. Why? He's secure in who he is, and what he is, and nothing can shake that. The insecurities come from those who find an arousal toward members of the same gender; an arousal that they don't understand or cannot reconcile. Now, I'm not saying they're gay, or even classically bisexual - but there's an arousal. If you watch heterosexual pornography as a heterosexual man you are going to see other men in high states of sexual arousal and relief. Men are OBSESSED with phalluses. You're watching another dude with a girl. You might be watching 5 dudes with a girl. You can't freak out and say "eww, I saw another guy naked." How on earth do you survive looking in a mirror each day, or showering at a gym? It makes no sense to be repulsed by your OWN gender or sex - that's a fear-based reaction related to a societal fear of "being gay." Ugh.

But that's another story ;-) Back to the lesbians!!

The Average Joe guys that "hate fags" sure do love watching two smokin'-hot lesbians eating muff, and the Public Figure (be they political and/or religious) guys that preach anti-gay hatred sure love getting caught with their ankles in the air and a big fat cock up their ass. Or their lips on a bone in a public bathroom. Whatever.

It's the same old fucking story. They hate the gays, as long as it's men. Or they publicly hate gays because in secret they love men....a lot. You know, the way Hamlet loved his mother. A lot.

From this comes the miserable reality of their lousy nonexistent sex lives. These anti-gay women are not getting oral sex. They're not. Look at them. North Carolina congresswoman Virginia Foxx, porno-ready name aside, clearly hasn't had her beaver beaten or eaten since the end of Segregation. Her crazy ass probably thinks there's a direct connection, after all she's the one who claims that Integration was accomplished by Conservatives with little to no help from Liberals. Yeah..... sure, lady.

Oklahoma State Rep Sally Kern has made numerous appallingly anti-gay comments, including comparisons to bestiality. Now, in all fairness, bestiality is a subject Kern knows very well because her husband married a pig. NOM head Maggie Gallagher had a child out of wedlock in the 1980s, and has spent the last nearly-thirty years "atoning" for her sin by being as anti-gay as possible. She's also not had an orgasm in decades, as her vagina disappeared many years ago under what is known in some circles as a "gunt" (Google it...) It's been so long since she's seen it that technically her vagina has been declared legally dead.

Take Michele Bachmann (take her, PLEASE! haha). Now, Michele Bachmann's husband is not gay, but he is a closeted homosexual (there's a difference) who likely can only pound her if he rubs vaseline over his eyes, squints real hard, and tries to pretend that she's actually Matt Frewer circa 1995. (*Google It*) Bachmann is, of course, unable to enjoy much of anything as a broomstick is perpetually lodged up her ass, but the sad fact is the woman clearly hasn't had a tongue on her big bony meatflaps in decades. It's actually kind of sad. An orgasm, a real good earthshaking orgasm, could truly turn her life around. When you're getting satisfying sex in your own life you tend to not be so focused on imagining about the sex lives of others and then be angry at what you imagine they're doing.

These poor ladies are not getting oral sex, which many married women state is the only way they're able to achieve orgasm with their husbands, and thus are not having orgasms. At all. No wonder they're angry at the gays - our orgasms ROCK!

As for the males, you either get the ones whose uptight wives won't suck cock and thus they retreat to the world of online porn, or you get the males whose wives *would* suck their cocks but unfortunately their husbands can only get it up for the men they view via online porn.

Either way, neither group is actually anti-gay. They're just ashamed of how pro-gay they actually are.

Like I said, pathetic.

Love, Little Kiwi

Do You Even Know What You're Talking About?

2011-10-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

I fully support the Occupy Wall Street movement and its related protests in other cities around the world. Fully. What is hilarious, however, are all these stupid "I'm writing on a piece of paper" rebuttals (if you can evencall them that....) wherein the person shows that not only do they not understand why the protesters are protesting, they don'teven understand what they're objecting to about the protesters, or WHY.

It's pretty much a case of people wanting to show how "not like those others" they are with a general sense of either right-wing Suck Up Syndrome, or a case of the "Anti-Whatevers" - you know, whatever is big, whatever is "popular", whatever

is being talked about anddiscussed...these people take the Anti stance. Deliberately contrarian. Why? Because they need to be different. Excuse me while I puke.

But seriously. These paper pics are fucking stupid.

Savage Honesty

2011-10-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

Regardless of one's personal stance on Dan Savage, his response to this question is utterly perfect. The letter is, of course, typical. Everything about it is typical - it's the exact same thing that the exact same type of people say in the exact same way at the exact same stage in their life that this young man is at. It's the border-zone - the guy who wants to have the Gay Life without having to make the very specific sacrifices and acts of courage that every single LGBT person has to make in order to achieve an authentic existence. It's a lovely letter, actually, in that it perfectly encapsulates (via tone and word choice) what anti-gay culture and homophobia does to far too many gay people: it makes apologists of them. They want to have what others have, but don't want to do what those others had to do to get them. And Savage is spot-on in his reply. I hope this piece circulates and is reprinted over and over again - it's a perfect answer to an oft-asked question.

I'm a college freshman. I thought that college would be the place to come out, but the sad fact is that college hasn't changed anything. I'm still unable to admit my sexuality to my friends, teammates, classmates, and hallmates. I have thought about joining the LGBT organizations, but those guys are too "out" for me. Not that there's any problem with that. I just don't think that being gay is anyone else's business unless I want them to know. The hardest part is seeing other freshmen go out to parties, hook up, and date when I don't have the opportunity to do so. I've resorted to going on Craigslist, but my encounters have been weird. What should I do?

Closeted Undergrad

"You're not required to disclose who you're going out with, CU, or the gender of the folks you would like to go out with. But keeping your sexual orientation a secret indefinitely—not your sexual interests (which you can keep to yourself), but your sexual orientation—will ultimately warp your psyche and your life.

Think about it from the other side: What would the straight guys on your team have to do in order to hide their straightness from you? They could never mention their girlfriends, go out on dates, or hook up with someone they met at a party. They would have to hide their porn and be careful not to check out girls in public. They could never get engaged, get married, or have kids. They might be able to have furtive, secretive, and shame-driven sexual encounters with other closeted heterosexuals they met online or in places where closeted straight people gathered to have anonymous sex, but finding love—true and lasting love—would be extremely difficult.

It wouldn't be impossible—some gay people managed to find lasting love back in the bad old days—but it would be difficult. And the sneaking around and hiding and lying would ultimately warp their psyches and their lives.

If you don't want to get warped, CU, you're going to have to come out. And once you're out, you don't have to hang out with gay people with whom you don't click, and you don't have to be gay the way, say, the LGBT groupers on your campus are gay. Remember: Gay men who are out at your age (18?) tend to be a bit gayer than the average gay dude. They're out in part because they can't be in. And God bless 'em and more power to 'em and the gay rights/liberation movement would never have gotten off the ground without 'em.

But since you can pass, CU, you've had the option of waiting.

You have, of course, the option of never coming out. But as you're discovering, CU, it's hard to date in the closet, and DL-enabling sites like CL and Grindr aren't going to deliver the kind of connections you want. So long as you're limited to quickly arranged hookups with guys you don't know, can't risk getting to know, and can't be seen with in public, all of your encounters are going to be weird. Not because all the guys on CL or Grindr are weird—there are good guys on both sites—but because you're trying to have a life and keep it secret, and that tends to attract weirdos without lives.

Look, CU, you're only 18. You've got time. But what you're going to realize, in not too much more time, is that dating and finding love—or even just sex—inside the closet is nearly impossible. You can remain in the closet and keep your business secret, but you won't have much of a life in there. And when you realize that, CU, you'll come out. First to a friend or two, then to your family, then to everyone. And once you're all the way out, you'll find that the guys you've been focusing on—the "too out" guys—aren't the only gay guys out there. Just some of the best.

I know it's hard. But you can do it. All it takes is opening your mouth and saying the words."

Well done, eh? It's one of those things that a lot of gay men don't understand, sometimes even after they do in fact Come Out - you have to reconcile and come to terms and embrace being gay before you can ever hope to find happiness and healthiness in a same-sex relationship. Until you can stand on your own two feet as a confident and secure openly gay person, you're not going to be in a place where a relationship will have the freedom to thrive and fulfill.

The Work

2011-10-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, the work. What began as an opinion piece in Toronto's Fab Magazine has become, blessedly, a national dialogue in many gay communities about the blurred line between Preference and Prejudice, the language used to convey (or reveal?) them and the comments and words of those responding to it have been equally revealing. I'm glad to have contributed to the main article as this prejudice passing as "preference" is pretty pathetic.

A few things to note

1. There has yet to be an intelligent, rational, fact-based and intellectually honest rebuttal to not only the actual content (and main thesis) of the article. Instead we have a lovely collection of stupid, (willfully?) ignorant, uneducated and uninformed opinions vehemently demanding to be taken seriously. Sorry, sugar, but not all "opinions" are Equal, especially those that can only exist if one chooses to ignore factual sociological reality. It was, of course, an opinion piece - based on sociological fact.

2. Most "dissenting views" seem to cry about "being told whom to fuck" or "infringing on freedom of speech", neither of which have anything at all to do with the article(s). This is related to point number one - if you have to ignore the argument and instead project an argument that has not been made, and then disagree with it, you only prove the rest of us right. Your emotions make you want to argue against our points, but you can't, so you make up a new argument and argue against that instead. Congrats, you're a moron. We're asking people to first think about what they say, and how they say it, and second think about what leads to them to feel the way they feel, and like what they think they like. Alas, it seems they'd rather not think.

3. Far too many people don't understand that there is a difference between an Orientation and concepts of attraction and beauty. They're wholly different. Anyone who doesn't know this, or refuses to accept it, is simply making a choice to be utterly incorrect. Understand that there is a difference, first. Then, and only then, are you in a place to enter the discussion and be able to hold your own.

4. Most depressingly, it just seems that far too many white men not only have no concept at all of what life and prejudice is like for people of colour, it seems that they truly don't care; they don't want to listen. They're disregarding what people are saying, apparently, because of their skin colour. They not only don't want to fuck "blacks or asians" - they don't want to listen to them either. Yeah. Because that's not racist.

We live in a world that worships a few things more than anything else.

1. Whiteness

2. Maleness

3. Straightness/Heterosexuality

(add into this Money/"Class")

"No Fats Femmes Asians or Blacks"

make the great leap to seeing the connection, boys and girls. It's amazing when guys say "you can't tell me what to like!" Well....you've missed the point. You've already been told. That's why what you like is so limited - what to find attractive, what is deemed "beautiful" and "worthy" has already been dictated to you by greater culture. What you like isn't what YOU like - it's what you've been conditioned to like by a white straight male worshipping culture. Your preferences aren't actually your own - they're someone else's.

Anyway, our piece really got the talk, and indeed The Work, going. This is a good thing.

there was the original piece:

http://www.fabmagazine.com/story/not-just-a-preference

it was picked up by towleroad.com and then on Queerty:

http://www.queerty.com/has-grindr-turned-gay-men-into-racist-homophobic-body-facists-20111017/

from there is was picked up by the stupidest idiot to yet take on this topic, over at thesword.com:

http://thesword.com/no-fats-no-femmes-no-asians.html

which led to another post here:

http://www.queerty.com/discriminating-against-race-on-grindr-doesnt-make-you-a-racist-20111018/

that was followed by more rebuttal posts to the rebuttal posts on Queerty:

http://www.queerty.com/fleshbot-its-ok-to-want-no-hispanics-just-dont-admit-it-on-grindr-20111019/

So, all in all, mission muthafuckin' accomplished. The dialogues are happening. And intelligent minds without a need to defend their "right to be wrong" will take note that (like I said earlier) there has yet to be even one intelligent, backed-up and factually honest 'rebuttal.'

Over the years studies have been done on the subversive nature of this 'New Millennial Racism' - the new face and form of ethnic prejudice in our culture. Here's a little video you should all see. The embedding option has been disabled by the owner of the video, so just click the darn link.

http://youtu.be/UOVwrcTzRBs

Werk ;-)

Zachary Quinto Officially Comes Out

2011-10-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

http://www.zacharyquinto.com/news/2011/10/post.html

yes yes yes yes yes.

Beautifully worded, emotionally and intellectually honest. This is what Coming Out is about, and I for one am proud to call Zachary Quinto 'brother'.

Plus, as if it were even possible, this just made him about 100 times sexier.

I cannot stress enough how perfect Quinto's message is. There's truly not much else to say. I'm literally rendered speechless. What I feel about Coming Out, why it's so important, why it's so liberating, why it's necessary for a truly authentic existence....Quinto perfectly encapsulates it all.

A major factor in why my parents were completely accepting of me from the moment I Came Out to them is the reality that other LGBT people, whom were not blood relations nor even particularly "close" best friends of my family nevertheless made it their business to be Out to my parents. Out. As colleagues. Co-workers. Church members. Community members. These men and women made a point to be Out, to be known as members of the LGBT community, to people who included my mother and father. So when I Came Out there was no sudden ignorance-based fear of "Oh NO! Our son is gay! What does this MEAN!?!?" - they have a frame of reference. They already knew gay people. They had no reason to do anything other than love me exactly as they always had. The love didn't change, but there was indeed a new understanding of who I am, what I've been through, what has shaped me, and what I've been "up against" since childhood through adolescence. With it came the realization that "the family" has to Come Out, too. In support of the LGBT Community. It's not just the LGBT person that has to Come Out, the family has to Come Out with them in solidarity. This is how win the war against ignorance, prejudice, and hatred.

Quinto understands this. Read his blog post. Share it with family and friends. It's perfect.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thought For The Season

2011-10-09T16:59:00.000-07:00

Listening to gays complain about "liberals" or "leftists" is like listening to Anne Frank complain about attics.

Seriously. Grow some orbs, you wimps.

WHY oh WHY?!?!

2011-09-21T09:16:00.001-07:00

I get it that it's an army-surplus store and there's all sorts of kooky stuff for sale. But....Russian gas masks in children's sizes? Here in Canadialand? WHY? Either the fear of gas attacks still exists or there's a market for children with....uh..... odd fetishes. Either way, *ick*.

Saying Goodbye to a Hero

2011-09-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

Jack Layton, leader of Canada's New Democratic Party (NDP), passed away a few weeks ago. He was a man I had admired for many years, and his death struck a chord with more Canadians than I think even he would have expected. For decades Canadian elections were a back and forth battle between the Progressive Conservatives and the Liberals - whichever party didn't win was always the Official Opposition Party. Well, not last time. The PCs won (boo! Hiss!) but for the first time in Canadian history, the NDP was the Official Opposition. The Liberal party suffered an historic defeat and the NDP an historic success. Canada's Green Party even won their first official seat, which thrilled me as I think Green party leader Elizabeth May is an absolute dynamo. An historic win - sending a message to not only the Liberal party to get their shit in order, but a message to NDP supporters and millions of other Canadians - we need to remember we're a country with multiple parties....we don't need to concede and vote for "the lesser of two evils."

I first met Jack Layton while I was out dancing at "Buddies" - my local go-to dance club - on a Saturday night out in Toronto when I was around 20/21 years old. Jack had come by to meet the young queer people of the city. Think about that - a candidate for Prime Minister going to one of the local gay nightspots to dance with the young gays, talk to them, listen to them, share with them, encourage them to vote and take an interest in politics.

Jack Layton always marched in the Pride Parades, too. Often his supporters had adorable signs which read "I'm a Layton Homosexual." Cute, eh?

(The last picture I've posted, though it's hard to read, is a snapshot of a chalk message which reads "Thank you for always marching in the Gay Pride Parades" - that's how important this man was to LGBT People - a leader that didnt' pay lip-service, this was a man who genuinely was proud to stand in solidarity with us, and call us Brother.)

This was a man, who with his wonderful wife Olivia Chow, absolutely championed the Equality of LGBT people. Ethnic minorities. The working class. The elderly. The poor. The needy. The "Us's", as Harvey Milk would say.

Was he perfect? No. Show me a politician that is and I'll show you a unicorn. But Jack was an incredible and compassionate man. Simply put, he made me proud to be a Canadian. He embodied what I love most about this country. He gave me Hope that a politician can be elected for the right reasons.

His absence is still felt. Weeks after his death, chalk messages and memorials and flowers and gifts still adorn the plaza of the Toronto City Hall. We won't see something like this in a long, long time.

It's been a number of weeks, and I still get a bit choked up about this. It was amazing for me, as a young guy still coming to terms with my comfort as a gay man, to find myself dancing and talking and sharing experiences with a legitimate party leader, and candidate for Prime Minister of Canada. It made me feel like I was worth something.

Thanks Jack.

Carrying Self-Hatred into Adulthood

2011-09-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

You know, it's one thing when this sort of nonsense is being spouted by the younger gay guys who are still struggling with finding themselves in a homophobic, misogynistic patriarchal world that worships all things White!, Straight!, Male! and (for lack of better word) 'Typical."

I can *understand* it in the younger people. But to be passing off this same bullshit as one is approaching 40? REALLY? That's just sad. He's not talking about specifics, either. It's utterly amorphous concepts. Truly, think about it - he's not saying he doesn't watch "Glee" (heck I don't watch it either, but I don't make a point on Grindr or gay-social sites of saying I DON'TWATCH GLEE!), he's saying that he isn't into guys who LOOK LIKE they watch "Glee". He has an idea of what a person who watches Glee looks like, and acts like, and he's scared of that. One more grown-ass man who's still living in fear of the things his asshole father considered "Gay Stereotypes" - baseless, ignorant stupidity.

So....Oh, boo-hoo hoo. I got called a faggot by a gay man who thinks he can pass for straight (in a tank top and army shorts on a patio? gurrrrl, that's like Official Homo Summer Wear!). Oh no. I'm crushed. The reality is this - this guy calling me a faggot will not make his own life better. In fact it will continue to make his own life worse. He only finds security in being gay by making sure he's not seen as "one of those faggots." Until you as a gay man can stand on your own two feet as a gay man, without downplaying, compartmentalizing, editing, censoring or "distancing" yourself from other gay men, you will never ever EVER find happiness, joy and authenticity in life.

The good news is that a lot of young gay people are learning this at a younger age. They're getting over these issues before they reach their midtwenties, or even actual adulthood. Alas, there are the throwbacks - the guys that never got over it. Good luck in life to any of you who think you will find happiness as a gay man, entering into gay relationships, when you're still being "proud" of your supposed ability to pass for something that you're not.

Andhere's the kicker - you're actually not fooling anyone. You may think that people can't 'tell' that you're gay, or don't know - you're wrong. They can tell. They know. And they also all know how insecure you are about it. That's why they never bring it up. Sure, they've askedgeneral questions, expecting you to mention a boyfriend, or some indicator that YES, you are in fact gay. And then they notice how you avoid it. No straight people are vague about their heterosexuality - only insecure homosexuals try to pull off that shit and pretend it isn't glaringly obvious.

S0 YES, they notice. Yes, they know. Yes, they can tell. And so they can also tell that you're a doormat - an insecure boy posing as a man. It's just terribly weak.
Nobody has bluntly asked "are you gay", because:

1. nobody asks that question because in a still-bigoted culture it's considered "rude" and "too personal" to ask such a question.

2. they can tell and they can tell how insecure you are about it and how you avoid it, so they therefore don't bother to bring up something that you clearly have such ridiculous baggage about.

Nearly 40 and still taking pride in (unsuccessfully) passing yourself for something you're not? I can't think of anything less *manly* - that's being an insecure little boy.

*edit. I was recently mailed this new pic of the same dunce. Love the new words. What a big man he is, eh? ;-)

352.6 Miles or 567.454694 kilometers (as we say in Canada)

2011-09-12T16:46:00.000-07:00

I didn't do a 9/11 post, like everyone else on planet. I did, however, compete in yesterday's unofficial "Most Deep & Meaningful Facebook Status" competition. Not to make light of the September 11th attacks, nor the 10 year anniversary of them. I, like many others, do have "my 9/11 story" - my memories of that day, my memories of my feelings on that day, and the greater impact of knowing that we do indeed now live in a "Post-9/11" World. Yes. The world changed. As one in the arts, who was in the US that day (Boston, to be precise), who was unable to get home for a number of days, and as one who has lived in NYC and thus knows a great many people who lost a great many people on that day understand that I am not mocking the sentiments the day brings, nor am I pretending it doesn't hurt me either. It does. A lot. The fear, the loss, the emotional pull to those you want to have close to you but for whatever reason cannot. I get it. I feel it. I honour it. In the grand scheme of things I did indeed "learn something" out of the emotional maelstrom (I've always wanted an excuse to use that word!) of conflicting emotion and fear that 9/11 was and in many ways still is. Live for Now. Honour Every Moment. Love instead of Hate. Find grace instead of anger, forgiveness instead of vengeance. Make each moment count because it might be your last.

True sentiments, to be sure, no matter how Hallmark Cardtm they may seem. But that's not all I learned. It wasn't all kumbaya.

Yesterday I just made the choice to stop looking back. Here's what I've learned 10 years later.... I have been given a gift to still be here - ten years later. I honour it by looking forward. I was a 19 year old twink when it happened. Heck, I'd only graduated highschool a few months earlier! And where I was in my life was not a positive place. It was a life of hurt. I'd just Come Out, I was full of self-doubt and insecurity and out of my teenage desperation for validation I was (at the time) dating a guy who in truth certainly didn't like me very much, let alone love me, and yet we insisted on inflicting pain on each other for way too long because, hey, that's what stupid young dudes do. Two incompatible Kids playing Grown-Up.

It's a pattern I repeated in many relationships in my life. All kinds of relationships. Kristin Wiig's character in "Bridesmaids"?? Hi, Me! For real. Seeing that was like "Ouch, me."

But I'm not that anymore. I won't kneel (unless you make it worth my while, *wink wink*) and I won't allow myself to be mistreated by people and (mis)used by them as a tool to repair their own deflating egos or angers.

In all areas of my life I let people use me. My acting teachers pointing it out - I "apologize" with my pelvis when I stand - the pelvic tilt; subconsciously physically submitting to people, letting them control me. Friends who kept me around because they liked having a "sidekick", not an Equal. Work - employers and fellow employees who treated me like shit because I let them. Relationships - boys who liked how I made them feel about themselves; desired, sexy, powerful, in control. Sex. They didn't like me, they liked being a King.

The years spent allowing myself to let other people use me for their own intentions. I have let myself submit to people, and I have allowed them to use me. It was my doing. A codependency I clearly sought out. It's self-punishment.

Not the most expected lesson to be gleaned from the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks, yet I can't deny that that's what I was feeling. That's where my mind is today - and that's where I was 10 years ago.

It's been ten years. From 19 to 29. Nineteen - The kid who let himself be used by anyone and everyone in the hopes that one day they might be 'nice' and thus make me feel like I was finally worth something. The kid who would go running back to a 'boyfriend' that not only didn't love me but didn't even actually *like* me, because we clearly were more scared of being alone than of being unhappy with each other. Being terrified of sex at the same time as thinking of little else. (hi, I was a teen). I mistook a case Stockholm Syndrome for Love with the first dude I was ever with (that's sorta canon for all of us, right?) and that was a fun beginning to my association of sex and my sense of self-worth. I was involved in a "secret sexual relationship" with a guy, at age 18. I asked him why we couldn't date publicly and was flatly told "We can't...everyone will laugh at me." That's my first experience being with a guy - being told, straight up, that we can only be together in secret because people will laugh at him if they find out he's seeing me. And I believed it. And I carried that for years, and didn't even realize it. People didn't want me, not the "me" that existed in public. Young enough, insecure enough, and in truth SAD enough to want something to be something it utterly was not, nor really should have been. You hold onto pain and pretend it's love because at least it's something.

I know that you can't love anyone else, and nobody else can truly love you, if you don't love yourself. It's the main thesis of every self-help book ever. There. I just saved you buying one and reading it. That's the message. Most importantly, at this junction in my life, is the acceptance that some cycles will repeat until you put your foot down and demand that they end. Things "keep happening to you" because you let them. People "hurt you again" because you allowed them to. You can't care too much if they don't care as much. Just accept it and step back as well. It's cool. I'm 29 now. Homey gon' play dat.

It's amazing what you learn in a decade. In a post-9/11 world where countries and cultures still wrestle with racism, bigotry, religious fervor and phobias, lies and wars and fights. Truth in art and lies in politics. Forging friendships with people who (finally!) speak the same instinctual language. Friendships, even seemingly "trivial" ones, that are incredibly meaningful, and caring no matter how brief your time together. The person whom you can call up a few times a year on the phone, and rather than any sort of guilty "I know we haven't talked in a while" energy you both just pick up right where you left off. You get it. We have our own lives in different places and spheres of social existence. But we still care. We reach out to each other and respond to each other. Sometimes you reach out to someone, and the response takes a while. Maybe a few weeks. Maybe months. No ill will, just not priority. Sometimes the response never comes. Sometimes we deserve it. Lord knows I've earned it. You try again, and then again. No response. And then you feel like an idiot, an asshole, an annoyance and a failure. Gut kicked, you then realize that you do this, too. It's not "bad", really. Not even negative. At least not always. You just don't care. That's really it. "You'll get back to them." They keep reaching out, and you (for whatever reason) just go "uh...meh....uh.." because you just don't care. And you're allowed not to. And you may get back to them, and you may not. In life there are many types of relationships in which you care about someone more than they care about you. And we all do it, and we've all had it done to us. Friends. Lovers. Partners. Acquaintances even. Energies change, energies shift. Sometimes one feels it, sometimes you both feel it. Most times, though, one person feels it more than the other. So they step back. I've stepped back. I've been stepped away from. We don't all run in sync forever. And that's ok.

Like that Tori Amos lyric, "Girls, you've got to know when it's time to turn the page, or when you're only wet because of all the rain." *Yeah, I was that boy in high school with his Tori Amos obsession. Blame her for all of this.* I apologize to everyone I clung to too hard. I apologize to anyone and everyone I've pushed away. I also forgive everyone who hurt me. Yeah. I forgive you for everything that you will never apologize for, or even admit to. Those that used me know that they used me. And I'm saying that I know that you know. And you won't apologize. I forgive you anyway. I'm just ending a pattern in my life that's only ever hurt me. Its hurts badly, eh? But it's ok, because we all go through it. And we all mend. Standing there, on two feet. Like little Rory Calhouns.

And then, at age 29, a kiss that changed my life and made me know that it's all worth it. That someone can actually like me because they actually like me, not just that they like the way I make them feel about themselves. And it happens with different people, and it's almost magical. The moment your energies just go *ZZZING!* and you snap into each others orbits. I think of my incredible flatmates in London whom I love so dearly. Did you notice I said that sorta British-y? My love for my best friend in the entire world, Ryan, who for ten years has allowed me to grow and stumble (but never so hard that I can't get up) and accepts my weirdness and calls me on my shit because he loves me. And I love him. The people you share your life with whom you connect on an instinctual level. I don't know how else to describe it without sounding like a hippie.

And that kiss. Oh, that kiss.

No matter how far away we are, or whatever crazy turns the universe throws at us, nothing will ever change the truth and purity of it.

So there.

Anti-Gay Rabbi Believes God is an Anti-Semite?

2011-08-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

WHOOOOO-boy. Well, someone appears to be a big old idiot. This is, of course, utter bollocks. This man is, of course, not in any way a voice for the Jewish community. He's a far-right ultra-Orthodox Jewish Rabbi in NYC who might as well be their version of Fred Phelps. He's not taken seriously by Jews, nor by any other human beings with functioning brains.

Still, his anti-gay prejudice is so intense that he literally is now saying that God didn't mind that the Holocaust happened, or that slavery happened, or racial segregation, or any of the wars around the world. God doesn't mind any of those things, apparently God only cares that gay couples are marrying.

Because that makes sense. This guy is hilarious - it's as if Harvey Fierstein and Woody Allen collaborated to bring a ridiculous character to life. Like an ultra-Orthodox Jewish version of Kane from "Poltergeist II: The Other Side."

And note the sibilant S sounds he hisses out. Yeah, Mary. Exactly. He's one of "those".

Typical.

That's Just Racism

2011-08-23T11:50:00.000-07:00

Oh, look. Another gay racist. *barfs all over his own cock*

I don't even know where to begin with how ugly this is. Now, I'm going to ignore the put-to-rest body fascist that lived inside me once upon a time, because as I've lived and learned I've grown to appreciate and see beauty in all shapes and sizes. It's not what you have, it's how you are about it, how you carry yourself.

But LORD is it hard, as bitch makes it way too easy with his food analogies. With all those dietary restrictions one can only wonder what he IS eating and exactly how much? Does this look like a man who has ever turned down food? What *does* he like? White bread sandwiches with lots of ham and mayo?

Ok, enough. I don't like body-facism, but I also don't like racism and this dude just made it too easy.

Ugh.

Childhood Toys

2011-08-22T13:20:00.000-07:00

Going through old storage boxes in my parent's basement, I found some old toys from my childhood that had yet to be given away to needy children.

Aside from the still-working E.T. Furbie making me shit my pants when it started talking me in the darkness of the basement, it was an oddly fun and emotional experience to once again hold these toys, then pack them up to be given to charities.

We all, as children, anthropomorphize our toys. We project an assumption that they care about us as much as we care about them. I guess another factor for me, and I assume many, is that these inanimate objects were often our substitute for real friends. I was the local fag by age 7. I lost myself in fantasy at home with my toys. I was frankly a little bit stunned at the sizable lump in my throat as I saw these toys again and held them for one last time. Total TOY STORY 3 moments. I actually hurt - like I was saying goodbye to a friend and savior. In a way, I suppose I was.

When It All Goes Wrong?

2011-08-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

Did you ever have one of those days where every single thing went wrong? Let me rephrase that - did you ever see someone and realize that every single thing they did went wrong? Nothing worked. Nothing. To the point where it's almost amazing how not one thing went right? Their checklist for "Things Gone Wrong", for one day, gets entirely filled in one fell swoop? Yeah. Just one of those days.

I once overheard some lady talking about how she never second-guesses anything about herself - she just makes a decision and goes for it and doesn't give it a second thought.

I thought to myself, "Wow, that's a risky way to live"

Things like this are utterly preventable.

ROCKIT

2011-08-15T12:19:00.001-07:00

My buddy from Brooklyn. Sexbomb extraordinaire. Woof-tastic Pup of Radness. Oh, how I love him.

And dude can W E R K!

Enjoy. ;-)

(not safe for work. unless you work in a bitchin' rad-ass sex factory)

Bert & Ernie, "Roommates"?

2011-08-11T15:43:00.000-07:00

Now, personally, I have no vested interest in Bert & Ernie Coming Out, as to me they were always best friends who lived together. Now, could they be gay? Yes. Does that mean they're a romantic couple? No. Could one be gay and one be straight? Yes. Could they both be straight? Yes. It's possible, if improbable. ;-) hehehe.

That said, Sesame Street will eventually have an LGBT character. It just will. The show premiered in 1969...America still struggling to deal with racial integration and on comes a TV show set in New York City where people of all walks of life and ethnicity and cultural background are living in harmony together. With Muppets. Check out the earliest seasons - the racial-integration angle is worked hard and it needed to be - this country was split apart by racial tensions and prejudice. Sesame Street showed young children a world where colour was not a divide - cultures were celebrated, differences emrbaced, friendship and understanding giving premium. All good things.

The South African version even has Kami, a Muppet with HIV. North Americans may balk at that but the reality of South Africa's HIV rates in their population show how necessary a character like Kami is to children who are indeed growing up in an HIV-positive world.

LGBT people are a part of culture. Children watching Sesame Street have always had gay family members, most just didn't know it. Many young people (ahem, MOI) who watched the show were/are gay.

It may not be Bert & Ernie, but one day LGBT people will be represented on Sesame Street. And I have a feeling we'll be welcomed warmly.

How Not To Hit On Me

2011-08-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

Grindr. Say what you will about it, it's here and it's being used. A lot. Whether it's for people who want "Oral Sex with GPS" or a quick and easy way to find 420-friendly queer dudes to kick back and watch art-films with (don't laugh, it's used for that more than you know) the reality is that Grindr is useful, useless, hilarious and sad in equal measure. You get very little room to "say" things, and it's amazing how people (mis)use the limited characters they have.

A guy will say "muscular" to describe himself. Yes, well, we can see from your picture that you're muscular, so that's a waste of text-space now isn't it? That said, his choosing to waste text space by stating the obvious is actually a terrific indicator that he's a Moron Seeking Other Morons. Duly noted, and thank you for the heads-up.

Now while it's hard to "get a feel" for a person on an app with such 'limited' profile space, the reality is that what is said, what is not said, and the specific way in which things are or are not said still manages to actually give you a pretty darn good idea of who you're chatting with.

Shown here. All was going well, nice friendly flirty chat, nothing overtly sexual either. Friendly, like I said. And then I was asked "Hey, are you Masc?"

Here's what happened next - My text in YELLOW his text in BLUE

*

*Now, we all know "Nor Ono" is Grindr-autocorrect-speak for "Not Into" hehehe!

Then I was sent four text messages informing me that I have "mental issues" and that I'm "really judgmental."

Now, let's stop for a moment to address that. HE is allowed to "pre-judge" all "fems" or "blacks" and not want to meet them, but I'M not allowed to not want to meet someone who prejudges "blacks" and "fems"? He's allowed to not be into blacks and fems but I'm not allowed to be into a guy who's not into blacks and fems? Heaven forbid we be so quick to snap to a judgement based on someone's being so quick to snap to a judgement based on someone's ethnicity. My mind just turned inside out.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I present the approach to logic of a douche-nozzle who will spend his entire life wondering why his experience is so mediocre.

Love, Little Kiwi

*elegant curtsy*

Pitbulls Are Lovely

2011-08-03T13:04:00.000-07:00

After 8 months since visiting my Canadian homeland, I have returned. And the lovely wee lady shows how happy she is to see me.

:-)

Hissey Fit

2011-07-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

The bittersweet irony of Miss Matt Hissey *le sighhhhh*

He hates "stereotypical gays" yet he himself is a number of gay stereotypes.

*ahem*

1. the "Stereotypical Gay Dude Who Can't Stop Talking About How Not-a-Stereotype He Is"
2. the "Stereotypical Deluded Gay Guy Who Doesn't Realize That He Actually Embodies Exactly What People Think of When They Think 'Gay Stereotype'"
3. the "Stereotypical Gay Republican Who Thinks Hating Liberals Will Earn Back His Daddy's Love"

4. the "Stereotypical White Moneyed Right-Wing Gay Man Who Hates Liberals Because His Parents Hate Liberals"

it's like INCEPTION, it just works on so many levels. Truly, the mind boggles. It's the INCEPTION of gay stereotype discussions.

Now, we get people in and out of the community who constantly talk about how "it's pressure from the gay agenda" that makes people "act like gay stereotypes."

Uh....then why is this right-wing anti-gay little asswipe the absolute embodiment of quite a number of "gay stereotypes"?

I thought they were the social construct of the 'gay community' that this man, and the other wimps of GOProud, utter loathes...no?

How can a lifetime spent avoiding "stereotypical gays" in the 'gay community' result in this kid being the stereotype he is today?

So why does he embody those gay stereotypes, then? If he's avoided them all his life, then why does he embody so many?

This wuss might very prove that being gay, and having many perceived "stereotypically gay traits" is in fact biological.

GOProud, My Ass

2011-07-19T21:40:00.001-07:00

my first trip to Fire Island

2011-07-08T15:42:00.001-07:00

*sighhhhh*

More Squishy Babies

2011-07-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

Little Kiwi getting knocked over by a squishy bulldog. Lovesit.

The Invasion - Fire Island

2011-07-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

Drag queens have always been an integral part of the bohemian Cherry Grove bar & club scene, but frowned upon and practically forbidden in the more affluent and conservative Fire Island Pines of the 70s. According to legend, in 1976 a Cherry Grove man in drag (Teri Warren) was denied service at the Botel, a Pines restaurant & bar owned by John B. Whyte.

Upon hearing about this blatant discrimination against one of her sisters, the newly crowned Homecoming Queen of the Arts Project Cherry Grove, PANZI (Thom Hansen) took it upon herself to lead a small group of 9 brave Cherry Grove girls in a water taxi into the Pines harbor one hot afternoon for what they expected to be a confrontational welcoming by the Pines men.

On the contrary, the Pines men were so surprised and entertained by this “Drag Queen Invasion” in the middle of the day that they welcomed them all to drinks at the Blue Whale bar for what now is a yearly celebration and tradition.

NYC Pride 2011

2011-06-29T11:10:00.001-07:00

Well, folks, it was one for the ages. This may have been the most joyous Pride celebration that New York City has experienced in a great many years. The reason, of course, was the vote days earlier on legalizing Marriage Equality in New York State. The "tone" of Pride was utterly hinging on the outcome of that vote; would we have a fight in our hearts or a cause to celebrate? Well, of course, we won. I marched in the parade with PFLAG NYC, and a number of friends who were all experiencing there very first Pride. It was absolutely thrilling. The love in the air, the bond of Family and Community - there are no words to describe the overwhelming joy of the celebration.

Hugs and Love to you all.

Marriage Equality Comes to New York

2011-06-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all who voted in favour of Equality, and all who worked hard to get the message of Equality out into the universe. We won.

Lessons From My Father

2011-06-21T08:41:00.001-07:00

WEINERGATE! Aka, Lamest "Sex-Scandal" Ever

2011-06-16T09:25:00.000-07:00

When violence breaks out at a sporting event, the cameras rush in to capture all the action.
When a tit broke out at the Superbowl years ago, the FCC got their muthafuckin' FINE on.

There were riots last night in Vancouver, because the canucks lost a fucking hockey game. riots. cars set on fire and exploded. because team lost a HOCKEY GAME.

and yet...people freak out about Gay Pride? "Oh..the stereotypes of pride..there's gonna be A DRAG QUEEN! ...there's gonna be GUYS IN SPEEDOS!...or BOOBS! or BARE BUMS!"

yeah. know what there's not gonna be? carbombings and rioting.
those are 'straight male stereotypes' that are actually harmful that we're, blessedly, free from.

again, the anger and morality of "sex issues" and not "violence" ones.
every city that hosts the Superbowl sees a spike in not just drug and sex trafficking, but specifically CHILD sex trafficking.

it's all-too-common for violence and vandalism to erupt after a sports team loses a "big game"; i used to live in the UK - the 'soccer hooligans' thing is legit.

it's a more than common occurrence, to the point that it's almost expected and more police are deployed to areas where the games are being held in ADVANCE.

if gay pride events had the histories of violence that many big sports games have then i'd understand a backlack against them.
as is, people seem less concerned about violent reactions to sport losses and more concerned with dudes showing their bums.

and bums, like sexy jewish penises, pose no actual threat of harm to society.

Now, the reality is that straight men have a more violent image than gay men do and yet gay men are the ones demonized by society.

The Best Way to Put Someone in Their Place

2011-06-14T20:26:00.000-07:00

Now this, ladies and gentlemen, is how to put someone in their place. I give three snaps in a Z-formation, like a drag queen from 1994.

Phoebe Cates Made Me Gay

2011-06-10T17:48:00.001-07:00

Oh, my childhood love for Phoebe Cates, which I've never outgrown. From the skin-baring tawdriness of "Paradise" (if you're gonna rip off a film, why rip off a film as lousy as "The Blue Lagoon"?), and "Private School", to the 80s classics that are Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Gremlins. The typical 80s-curios that are Lace and Lace II ("Incidentally, which one of you bitches is my mother?"), Date With An Angel, and then her all-too-fleeting but actually wonderful work in the 1990s. Drop Dead Fred? It's a cult film my generation has embraced. Princess Caraboo? One of the sweetest of the 90s-era of lavishly-mounted period romps. And then "The Anniversary Party", where her ecstasy-fueled breakdown about motherhood stops the show.

I LOVE HER. And I always have. And I always will.

Feeling Sigourney

2011-06-09T18:14:00.000-07:00

Yeah. That's right. I'm channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. I kinda love it, actually. Sure beats having to, you know, do my hair. Look at me, I'm a daddy now!

A Tree of Life Grows in Brooklyn?

2011-06-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

First, thanks to my good friend Sally for that title! ;-)

Second, I actually loved the film. Cannot wait to see it again a few more times. It stands as a singular experience, the most Malick-y film ever made. This is Malick's skill as a director - his choice to share an experience and tell a story without the expected trappings of conventional narrative, structure, exposition and linear storytelling. In a way, it's sort of like a mega-budget feature-length "thesis project" of a film. Those experimental short films where the filmmaker "tells a story" in a non-traditional way. Well, he's the long-ass version. I hear similar criticisms from people about films like this, or films by David Lynch - "it didn't make any sense, I didn't know what it was trying to say."

Uh...ok. I can list a couple hundred films that "made sense" and that were clear in "what they were trying to say" that still totally and utterly sucked donkey balls and were failures. It's abstract art, folks!

It's an emotional story, told through the memories of a child and a grander sense of life on Earth that keeps reminding the viewer that all this complexity and the questions of life were and are the ongoing evolutionary process of single-cell organisms.

The use of music in the film is as flawless as always. The photography absolutely stunning in its clarity and composition. The performances so real and unforced that it just feels as if an invisible camera just happened to catch the action.

The heartbreaking simplicity of small insightful moments; a gesture of love when one young boy puts his hand on the shoulder of another, who lost his home and received burn scars from a house fire. The guilt and intense shame of adolescent hormones rushing through a young man's mind. The need to destroy and exert power over others coupled with a clashing message of love and understanding and empathy.

There are moments in this film that will haunt me forever. For those who just didn't like it...well...I made this video for you.

EX-GAY Confessions/Lies/Apologies

2011-06-01T16:35:00.000-07:00

EX-Gay? No. Just one more in a long line of young men whose families are so bigoted and closed of heart that they convince themselves of lies and untruths (thus breaking God's Ninth Commandment) in order to win back the love of their families. It happens all too often, and it needs to stop.

The Rapture. Armageddon. End of Days.

2011-05-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

ANTI-CLIMAX! The Musical

International Day Against Homophobia & Transphobia

2011-05-18T12:04:00.001-07:00

Oops...

2011-05-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

After a day of reading scripts on the Highline park in NYC I had a spring in my step, a song in my heart, and a stupid (and painful) tanline that makes me look like an asshole.

Oh, well.

Note to Self - you're Scottish. The sun doesn't like you.

Never Blend In

2011-05-13T16:08:00.000-07:00

My contribution to David E. Watters' "Give 'em Hope" campaign initiative.

Mother's Day

2011-05-07T13:02:00.001-07:00

The Death of Osama Bin Laden

2011-05-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I shall have more thoughts as news and information and gravity and "the next step" and all that jazz set in. For now, I'm feeling this.

Love, Little Kiwi

I'm not really *happy* about his death. I'm definitely relieved, but it's not as if his death suddenly means that the world is a safer place, and that those who believe what he believed no longer believe it. I hope American Conservatives don't give in to their typical bloodlust and demand to see the photo(s) of his dead body. I hope that in this moment, Americans show some class and take a moral highground - an enemy is vanquished, and the time is now to start remembering how to proactively change world culture toward understanding, not vengeance nor gloating or neanderthal-level machismo.

We do not need to see the photo(s). Those demanding that we do are sick lowlifes in this country, who should be ashamed of themselves. America, find your grace.

A Father's Message

2011-04-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

My Dad wrote this as part of the PFLAG newsletter back home in Toronto. Thought I'd share it with y'all. Love.

The first Pride Parade that I attended, not as a participant but as a bystander, was in San
Francisco, while on vacation, in 1978. This was shared with my future wife, Irene, and well before our marriage and children.
Who knew it was a portent of things to come. Fast forward more than 30 years and I am now a member of the Board of Directors of PFLAG Toronto and its Treasurer. Why? Our son is a gay man. I watched him grow up alongside his sister, and both of these wonderful children filled me with love and pride – from toddlerhood to adulthood.
When our son came out the dismay to us was not that he was gay but the realization that throughout his youth he had worked at acting straight and tried to fit in, while suffering the taunts of schoolmates who picked on him. He missed out on fully enjoying his early teen years and we could not go back and “fix” it for him. Sadly this is a story often heard at PFLAG of youngsters being bullied, ostracized and marginalized because they are, or are perceived to be, ‘different’.
Through our children and my PFLAG Toronto involvement I have met so many people who accept each other for being exactly who they are. It has truly opened up my life, and made me a better person.
I am a Chartered Accountant by training, and have held a number of senior positions in large North American companies; Chief Financial Officer for Woolworth Canada and Club Monaco –Polo Ralph Lauren, to name a few. Today, I am happy to be known as a proud PFLAG Dad.
I am currently a part time professor of Finance at Seneca College. I proudly wear the rainbow bracelet when I am teaching and have found that occasionally students will ask why and what it means. This starts a dialogue that invariably ends with the student indicating that they have friends or acquaintances who are gay and they either talk about the difficulties they face or they ask about them. Often they thank me for speaking openly and personally about a topic they have not explored before. They say they will think about sexual orientation with more positive feelings.
It illustrates that we can educate the world, one person at a time. I am proud to be a part of PFLAG Toronto, helping to support the LGBTQ community and all families.

Gary Miller

Anti-Gay Conservatives Still Love Lesbian Sex

2011-04-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

Male-male anal sex is the focus topic of anti-gay bigots. Not lesbian sex. We all know why. Men who have sex with men are "traitors" to their gender, and women who have sex with women don't count because women are "just sexual objects", to them.

So they obsess with gay male anal sex. It's fanatical. I'd love to hear, one day, the logical rationale wherein heterosexual oral sex is holy and it only becomes a sin when two people of the same gender do it....

Don't Fear Barbra Streisand

2011-04-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

The senselessness that is the knee-jerk reaction that 'stereotypes' are inherently negative and harmful.

Support for the Trans Community

2011-03-30T09:43:00.001-07:00

Queer Talk - Part Four

2011-03-21T12:06:00.001-07:00

Queer Talk - Part Three

2011-01-11T17:40:00.001-08:00

Words to friends and family of LGBT people.

DADT and Affirmative Action

2011-01-05T13:25:00.001-08:00

Queer Talk - Part Two

2011-01-02T13:43:00.000-08:00

On approaching your parents and family as an adult, and not a child. Asserting yourself as an adult, and setting the tone for how you expect, and indeed demand, to be treated both as an LGBT person, and a human being of worth. Change comes when you demand that change come. Progress does not stand still.

Queer Talk - Part One

2010-12-29T11:51:00.000-08:00

Part One in a short little series of conversations with my parents about dealing with LGBT family issues.

HAM BISCUITS

2010-12-21T23:21:00.001-08:00

Which must be Southerner Closet-Speak for some deviant sexual act. Word, yo.

DADT Repeal - And So It Continues....

2010-12-16T09:04:00.001-08:00

Gender-F**K

2010-12-02T14:47:00.000-08:00

So, Thanksgiving night at my friend's house, and as the night goes on and we all get more and more inebriated it turns into Dress-Up Time with a side order of the macabre. The Grand Guignol merging of sex and death and gender-norms that typifies Williamsburg-ian art.

I posted the photo online, and within hours had message after message, comment after comment, all digging it. Which, frankly, surprised me. Messages from strangers, especially. Dudes I don't even know, most comments being on how "Hot" the pic is. I'm just stunned. Guys tend to be such conformists when it comes to how gender is represented, and yet I've literally had dozens of messages in the last few hours from guys who have a hard-on for this photo.

Something to think about.

Colds: The One Thing Everyone Loves To Share

2010-11-26T17:32:00.001-08:00

The Importance of Being Allies - How Supportive are Your Supporters?

2010-11-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

The above photo greeted me this morning when I signed onto Facebook. It's my sister and my brother-in-law; shirts they ordered from stonewall.org.uk. Wonderful, eh? And powerful.

All-too-often I hear members of the community saying that they don't need to "proclaim" their orientation or "wear or on their sleeve" or "be defined by it", which (to me) sounds more like cowardly gay-apologist nonsense that anything else. Look, the reality is this: anti-gay bigots sure love to scream from the rooftops how much they hate gay people. And as America refuses to pass hate-speech legislation, we cannot shut them up. What we can do is raise our voices to match theirs, and be just as vocal, just as visible, and combat their shouted lies with truth and love.

And so, these thoughts came to mind....

What's Next For Andrew Shirvell?

2010-11-09T19:22:00.001-08:00

Well....is he? Of course he is. Family can always spot Family. But the biggest indicator is simply this: the "I totally hate gay people!" thing is pretty much the go-to disguise for closeted homosexuals.

Mark Foley. Ted Haggard. Larry Craig. Bob Allen. Glenn Murphy Jr. Ken Mehlman. Charlie Crist (wait for it..it's gonna happen). George Rekers. Rick Scott (wait for it..it's gonna happen). Jim Kolbe. Richard Curtis. Bob Bauman. pathetic theatre-queen Justin Caster. J.Roy Ashburn. Edward L. Schrock. David Dreier. Jim West. G. Harold Carswell. Roy Cohn.

Andrew Shirvell takes his place among the sorry list of homosexuals who were not merely closeted, but virulently anti-gay until...well...until the Good Ship Karma paid them all a visit.

Poor thing(s).... *le sighhhhh*

Shirvell had boasted, previously, about how "everyone supported him" in what he was doing. The problem, however, with living in an insular world where everyone reflects bigotry back at each other is that one becomes out of touch with...well...everyone else.

Shirvell, of course, is a homosexual. I say "homosexual" and not "gay man" because you're born a homosexual - you have to EARN being gay, by Coming Out and embracing who you are. You have to claim it and you have to own it. It is not handed to you.

So, what now?
Shirvell has been fired from his job as assistant A.G. Good.
Chris Armstrong will flourish. Young, bright, Out, strong? He's gonna do just fine.

Shirvell? No way he's going to live this down and find solid employment, and who does he have to turn to? A bigoted family he's spent his life trying to convince that he's not gay by being a big ol' anti-gay bigot.

One day, he will be Outed. And after we (secretly, and some not-so-secretly) take pleasure in it (because, hey, karma is real...) we can encourage him to do the right thing: become an Advocate for equality, by sharing his story of how self-hate and religious bigotry turned him into a man hell-bent on attacking others to distract the people who were supposed to love him from the truth about Who (and what) he is....which is a closeted homosexual.

Here's hoping that one day Shirvell finds the strength to be a Gay Man.

Gender-Nonconformity

2010-11-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

I remain, more and more, awed and humbled by my transgendered friends. It's hard enough being gay in this patriarchal culture of hetero-normative lies and bullshit, where gender-nonconformists are often the target of very insecure, angry and unintelligent people, but to be transgendered is something that the world needs to catch up on understanding. There are, of course, more than two genders. There are at least six. I have many trans friends, and am continually inspired by their remarkable resilience in life.

Admitting to being gay is so difficult for some people, especially males, that they have to condition their "acceptance" of self by reinforcing that they're "still a real dude, and not one of those stereotypical flamers or somthing..." Ugh. What bullshit, eh?

So, you're gay, but you're still a 'real man', eh? Good think you're only gay. You wouldn't have the strength of character it takes to be openly transgendered.

It is Living Out Loud, indeed. Defying gender-norms, externalizing your internal self, and having the courage to *change* your gender in the eyes of a confused world that all too often chooses to react with anger and hate at anything that confuses them.

My brothers and sisters, I fucking adore all that you are and I will always have your back.

Oh! And here's a pic of my awesome parents with Buck Angel, because they're all totally fucking awesome.

Two videoclips I wanted to share. Buck Angel (*swooooon*) who is the hottest freakin dude ever, and who happens to have been born into a female body. Angel ROCKS. Take everything you thought you knew about what it means to be a man or a woman, coat it lube, and FUCK it.

OH, and this piece of genius writing.....the performances of which cut my soul apart, and then stitched it back together with their strength. I'm in awe.

:-)

Love, Little Kiwi

Purple Power

2010-10-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday we all wore purple. Well, not all. A lot. And that's still pretty rad. NYC was awash in shades of purple, and I was rather moved by that. Not just showing solidarity in the wake of the recent LGBT youth suicides, and the violence, but as a show against the anti-gay bigotry that still plagues this country, and indeed this world culture. When there is anti-gay discrimination sanctioned by the government and written into law, what message is that sending to gay youth and the non-gay youths who BULLY them?

So, The Color Purple. All day. The looks of recognition and love exchanged by those who were sporting the color yesterday were lovely. It was like not feeling alone, in a city full of strangers.

And then, to top it all off, the sunset over Manhattan was purple itself. Rainbow shades of indigo and violet. No joke. I attached a photo, the view from my bedroom balcony (unedited!) to show ya. Neat-o, eh?

Why Are Bigots Obsessed With Sex?

2010-10-16T13:28:00.001-07:00

It's just ridiculous. The obsession that the anti-gay crowd has with, specifically, male anal sex. It's like they're all the mother from Stephen King's "Carrie", utterly obsessed with the thing(s) they claim to loathe. And it's almost exclusively focused on male-male anal sex, not lesbian sex (because anti-gay males only hate lesbians unless it's two smokin'-hot babes getting it on for the sexual gratification of straight males...), and not oral sex. I dunno, do they have an explanation for why oral sex is ok, and holy, when performed by heterosexual couples? What about straight couples that have anal sex? When I say "I'm gay", I'm fully aware that some people instantly think "Butt Sex". I don't actually care, but many do, and I know that many parents don't want people to know that their child is gay because they don't want people to think that their son takes it up the ass. But why are they even thinking about it? Do they think, of their straight sons and daughters, "Oh, my daughter has a girlfriend! There are penises inside her!" "Aw, that's my son. He pounds pussy. YAY!"

Why? Ewwww! You don't think (I hope...) about your straight children, or neighbours, or friends, having sex. Why do people insist on thinking about what (they think) gay people are doing in bed?

Patriarchal nonsense. Gender non-conformity. A re-imagining of male and female roles and what they mean. It's such fucking nonsense.

Solidarity - Visibility - Coming Out Day

2010-10-11T17:14:00.001-07:00

Every day, showing people that you care about Equality. Just a thought ;-)

It Gets Better, BD says so. And I'm his friend. So there.

2010-10-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

Shitting on the First Amendment! The Musical

2010-09-30T22:31:00.001-07:00

Success! After massive public pressure that these idiots shouldn't have been surprised by, Shirvell has been suspended from his job. Firing soon to follow. And he seemed so boastful to me, and so self-righteous on CNN, eh?

Aw, Mary. ;-)

So, the investigation into Shirvell begins. His computers should be seized and their contents examined. I think we all know what those harddrives are going to contain....

And, in advance, let me just say right now that NO, none of it was for "research purposes"...

Oh Andrew Shirvell....it seems that you never learned that resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die?

Do YOU Find This Funny?

2010-09-29T16:25:00.001-07:00

I was having a moody night. All of the recent gay youth suicides were on my mind, my heart was heavy and I needed a laugh. I love standup comedy. Thought this might cheer me up.

Didn't.

And then when I hear 50 Cent tweet this: "If you a man and your over 25 and you don't eat pu**y just kill your self damn it. The world will be a better place. Lol" I just don't know what to think.

*update. Another 2 suicides just reported. That makes 6 gay youth suicides in the last three weeks. 3 this week alone. Rest in peace, my brothers. I'm sorry I never got to help you.

Crazy Closeted Andrew Shirvell

2010-09-25T21:39:00.001-07:00

Interactions with Andrew Shirvell - Cyber Bully, Bigot and Closeted Homosexual.

September 16 at 6:55pm My Message to Andrew on Facebook.
I mean it's bad enough that you're a pathetic online cyberbully but the really tragic part of it is that it's just so brutally painfully OBVIOUS that you're gay too!

Do you really think this is gonna fly, Sugar? It's TEXTBOOK! Every time you closet-case Republican cowards conducts a pathetic, bigoted and baseless witchhunt against LGBT people, it makes it clear as day that you think nobody will notice how gay YOU are. You all think it's a disguise.
"Oh, i know, I'll be really really anti-gay! That way NOBODY will ever suspect me!"
You're in for a big shock, little man. You're brutally, painfully, obviously gay. And the more you attack those who are Out, the deeper you're gonna dig youself into this hole. And that PATHETIC blog you run? It's gonna come back to haunt you. Big time. Throughout the rest of professional and personal life. You're just royally screwed yourself, kiddo. How do you want to be remembered? What do you think your legacy will be? You're on the losing side of history, and worse, you're a total Jewcatcher. Remember them? Selling out their own kind to the Gestapo, passing for gentiles, so that they could avoid their own persecution? That's you, man. And it's painfully obvious.

So what's your plan? Gonna keep up the charade until your own computer gets confiscated, the files are examined and your own truth Comes Out? It could happen. Keep being a cyber-bully and maybe someone will have reason to suspect you of criminal activity. Bring the whole house of cards down, eh?

It's bad enough to be a bigot in this day and age. Shameful, really. You'd be looked back on in history with the same embarrassment and disgust reserved for those who opposed Integration and fought against the Civil Rights Movement.

But you're something worse. You're a gay man who hates being gay so much that he promotes anti-gay bigotry as part of his disguise. You have blood on your hands, Andrew.

You were born a gay man. You will die a gay man. Nothing will ever change that. No matter what lies you tell, or what hatred you promote. You will always always always be a gay man. The sad thing is, you're choosing to hide and hurt others, when you could be a part of the solution to end prejudice and injustice in America.

What will be your legacy? Cowardice and shame and bigotry, or redemption?

You're fooling no one. Time is limited. You can't hide forever. Sooner or later, the truth always Comes Out.
Andrew Shirvell September 25 at 6:58pm Report
Wow, you’re such a wind-bag, Raymond! You're also a disordered SODOMITE (that's why u think everyone else is, too). SHAMEFUL!
Raymond September 25 at 11:51pm
"sodomite" means what, exactly?
what specific acts do you think all gay people do that no straight people do? do you think it's about specific sex acts? if so, which ones?

you spend a lot of time thinking about what gay men are doing. very odd ;-)

today my sodomite lifestyle involved dinner with friends, a theatre show, groceries and a trip to the library.
what's sinful about that?

keep it up, coward. it'll be your undoing.
:D
Raymond September 26 at 12:07am
and expect that everyone on your friends list, and all your family, will be informed of your shady doings.

so much for working against "Cyber-Bullying", eh? Can dish it but you can't take it?

If you keep it up, well, the harder you'll fall. You're fooling no one.
Andrew Shirvell September 26 at 12:12am Report
They all know about my "controversial" blog, you idiot. Everyone is very supportive. So good luck with your harassment campaign, Raymond.

P.S. Face it, now you're just getting plain pathetic!
Raymond September 26 at 12:14am
there's nothing pathetic about living a life of honesty and integrity while calling out a cowardly bigoted bully.

enjoy your blog, enjoy digging yourself deeper into a hole. i pity you. of course you're anti-gay. your family would disown you if they knew the truth. that's too bad.
my parents and i march in the pride parade together every year. im sorry you don't know what it's like to be loved and accepted for who you are.

so, keep up the blog. it's not gonna hurt Andrew. it is, however, going to seal your fate. you're never going to amount to anything in politics because of this.

you've lost.
Andrew Shirvell September 26 at 12:18am Report
Oh, yeah, hahahahah! P.S. I will be on some national news programs next week! Everyone will know about Armstrong now!!! So, unless you want to be featured next on the blog, I would suggest you leave me be and let sleeping dogs lie, ok, Miss Miller?
Raymond September 26 at 12:46am
what don't you get? us openly gay guys don't care if people know that we're gay. we ENJOY our lives! you lie about Armstrong. flat-out. you're OBSESSED with him. this is going to come back to haunt you BIG TIME, bucko. You're never going to be taken seriously. Ever.
"Miss Miller?" nice. good old fashioned misogyny, eh? And that proves my point, too: you're a closet case. Calling me "Miss" isn't an insult. I don't think females are lower or lesser than males. It's an insult to you, because you think less of women, and you're terrified of being associated with anything 'gay', even fun use of female pronouns. Because you're a closet case. You keep proving me right.
You're on my blog, I might as well be on yours :-) I have nothing to hide; a life of honesty, integrity and a life's work standing up against bigoted cowardly bullies like you.

And all these conversations here? Recorded. Saved. Posted.

Thanks. You do our work for us.

What Company Do You Keep?

2010-09-21T15:43:00.001-07:00

When This World Gets Too Crazy....

2010-09-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

.....I have to remind myself that I have another home up north, in a country where freedom and equality are realities, not dreams. And there's a family and there are friends, and there's a hairy little lady with a wet nose and a big heart and I love them all.

:-)

Send in the Clones OR Who Are Your Friends?

2010-09-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

Bars and clubs are interesting in that you see that not much as changed since high school. Cliques still exist. Duh. What's sad is that it really does seem that they exist for the same shallow reasons. People with the same body-type hanging out in a crew of guys with the exact same body-type.

I guess part of what I always liked about being in the "drama crowd" was our shared bond of drama. Both professional and personal (hehehe!). But it was neat to see how it played out over the years. I remember one girl who was chubby in freshman year, only to lose a tonne of weight over the summer, and returned as a skinny sophomore, who was now able to hang out with the very girls who'd excluded her the year before. Who cares if she had to be hospitalized for complications from bulimia by the end of junior year, she was finally cool...right?

Or living here in NYC, where we see the boys who come from smaller towns who realize that by going to the gym every day, they'll attract the attention of other guys who go to the gym every day. Some guys never leave the circle they gain entry to, all the while maintaining the physique required to keep their membership. Some guys tire of it (*elegant curtsy*) rather quickly and seek a new scene.

I did it. I was a shallow twat and wanted, as if afflicted with some fucked-up Aesthetic Stockholm Syndrome, the approval and acceptance of people I really didn't even know, who didn't know me, yet had still managed to be utterly dismissive dicks to me in public. It didn't last long, thank God. Because not only was I bored senseless by the world I was given access to, I was also fed up of working out all the time.

Life turns up empty, and you're so dissatisfied, because you're not actually listening to yourself and doing what you want: you're still acting, perpetually auditioning for the lead role in someone else's idea of your life, instead of changing the plot yourself and claiming it.

Confessions of a Mormon Missionary - Part 1

2010-08-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

So this dude on craigslist has been spilling his guts about how bad he felt for being a mormon missionary and propagating mormon lies. This is info from one of his posts, exposing the racism that used to permeate the church, and what many see is still silently existing.

Until 1981 2 Nephi 30:6 in the Book of Mormon taught that dark-skinned Lamanites (Indians) would eventually experience a change in the color of their skin should they embrace the Book of Mormon. This passage of Mormon scripture read:

"...their scales of darkness shall begin to fall from their eyes; and many generations shall not pass away among them, save they shall be a white and a delightsome people."

However, in 1981, the LDS Church decided to change "the most correct book on earth" and switched the word "white" with the word "pure." Some Mormons insist that this was a clarification since the word was never meant to refer to a person with dark skin pigmentation who would magically turn white based upon a conversion to the Mormon gospel; rather, it is claimed that the change referred to a cleaner state of heart. This assumption is definitely not supported in the Book of Mormon since 2 Nephi 5:21 says,

"And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, and they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them."

Furthermore, we find another reference to a change in skin color in 3 Nephi 2:15. This passage reads:

"And their curse was taken from them, and their skin became white like unto the Nephites."

That the context refers to skin color is verified by a number of LDS leaders including Joseph Smith. Mormon author George D. Smith notes that Joseph Smith was given a revelation which foretold of a day when intermarriage with the Lamanites would produce a white and delightsome posterity. George Smith wrote, "This unpublished 17 July 1831 revelation was described three decades later in an 1861 letter from W.W. Phelps to Brigham Young quoting Joseph Smith: `It is my will, that in time, ye should take unto you wives of the Lamanites and Nephites, that their posterity, may become white, delightsome and just.' In the 8 December 1831 Ohio Star, Ezra Booth wrote of a revelation directing Mormon elders to marry with the `natives'" (Sunstone, November 1993, footnote #5, pg. 52).

Second LDS President Brigham Young stated in 1859, "You may inquire of the intelligent of the world whether they can tell why the aborigines of this country are dark, loathsome, ignorant, and sunken into the depths of degradation ...When the Lord has a people, he makes covenants with them and gives unto them promises: then, if they transgress his law, change his ordinances, and break his covenants he has made with them, he will put a mark upon them, as in the case of the Lamanites and other portions of the house of Israel; but by-and-by they will become a white and delightsome people" (Journal of Discourses 7:336).

At the October 1960 LDS Church Conference, Spencer Kimball utilized 2 Nephi 30:6 when he stated how the Indians "are fast becoming a white and delightsome people." He said, "The [Indian] children in the home placement program in Utah are often lighter than their brothers and sisters in the hogans on the reservation" (Improvement Era, December 1960, pp. 922-3).

During the same message Kimball referred to a 16-year-old Indian girl who was both LDS and "several shades lighter than her parents..." He went on to say, "These young members of the Church are changing to whiteness and to delightsomeness. One white elder jokingly said that he and his companion were donating blood regularly to the hospital in the hope that the process might be accelerated."

LDS writer George Edward Clark gives a similar account in his book entitled "Why I Believe." On page 129 he wrote, "The writer has been privileged to sit at table with several members of the Catawba tribe of Indians, whose reservation is near the north border of South Carolina. That tribe, or most of its people, are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon). Those Indians, at least as many as I have observed, were white and delightsome, as white and fair as any group of citizens of our country. I know of no prophecy, ancient or modern, that has had a more literal fulfillment" (emphasis his).

It has also been taught in Mormonism that opposite repercussions could result when a white man abandoned his Mormon faith. For instance, the "Juvenile Instructor" (26:635) reads,

"From this it is very clear that the mark which was set upon the descendants of Cain was a skin of blackness, and there can be no doubt that this was the mark that Cain himself received; in fact, it has been noticed in our day that men who have lost the spirit of the Lord, and from whom his blessings have been withdrawn, have turned dark to such an extend as to excite the comments of all who have known them."

In 1857, Brigham Young declared that apostates would "become gray-haired, wrinkled, and black, just like the Devil" (Journal of Discourse 5:332).

Despite the comments from past Mormon leaders, skin color has nothing to do with a person's spirituality. To say 2 Nephi 30:6 was altered merely for clarification and had nothing to do with skin color is without merit. It was a false prophecy, nothing more, nothing less.

Woo-Hoo!

Love, Little Kiwi

4:41am Stoned Thoughts on Gay Republicans

2010-08-08T01:41:00.000-07:00

I like to call them "Jewcatchers" myself. Apparently that's an "offensive" term. I thought that was the whole point of using such words with a sense of irony - you shock and educate at the same time. Anyway, back to my main thesis: Gay Republicans Have Capers For Testes.

That will be a song, at some point, in that musical I keep meaning to write but never get around to even starting.

Now, the thoughts!

Are All Gay Republicans Self-loathing?

(the following text is in uber-university style all-lower case angst-font)

anyone that tries to avoid being discriminated against by helping, or sitting back and WATCHING, while the people they support direct anti-gay bigotry at OTHERS is not only self-loathing, but a coward.

and if there are still people here who think that legalizing Gay Marriage *only* affects LGBT people who want to get married, or that DADT *only* causes problems for LGBT people who want to serve in the military...well...those people need to wake up - government-sanctioned anti-gay discrimination affects ALL of us.

when a country has laws that exist solely to DISCRIMINATE AGAINST LGBT PEOPLE then that country will never be freed from an oppressive majority of anti-gay bigots.

for real.
so are they all self-hating? not necessarily, although more than often likely many are.
most are simply lazy, greedy, selfish, gay with white privilege and complacent.
a few others are pussy-whipped little bigots themselves, who try to win the affection of their racist white Christian parents by joining them in voting GOP. "don't worry ma and pa, i still hate blacks and muslims, i'm a'vote GOP with you and maybe one day you'll like me again"

Many simply sit on their asses and choose not to "care" about LGBT Equality Issues. They don't fight for them, they don't champion them, and they don't have the backbone to express how important these Human Civil Rights issues are, because doing so would cause them to be seen as one of those "lefty-liberal activist queers", and they don't want that. oh, no no no.

Wimps.

but a lot are self-loathing, and base their entire sense of self-worth on "not doing what other gays do", which to their pea-brains means voting Republican. These wimps are often very bitter and angry towards "stereotypical" gay males, too. Why? Because their bigoted parents are, and they need to side with their bigoted parents to save their own asses. Cowards, cowards, cowards. GOProud recently hosted a 'homocon' with Ann Coulter speaking. Their promo-slogan: "Our gays are more butch than their straights" - again proving me right; they're obsessed with gender-norms, and appearing "like real men", because those are the ideas spouted and promoted by their bigoted families.

Oh, and GOProud and the website "Gay Patriot" are both against Gay Marriage. For real. "Gay Patriot" and its members are against gay marriage. GOProud chooses to "not get involved in what they feel is a State's issue..." - but both take their stance for the same pathetic reason: fighting for gay marriage would piss of the people they align themselves with.

Thus, we have gay men who cut off their own balls as an offering to the Republican Bullies they're desperate to be accepted by. "I cut off my balls, I'm not like those other gays, I promise to do what you say, so please leave me alone! I'll help you insult those other Liberal gays!"

Fucking Embarrassing.

There was comment made on a youtube video of mine about addressing bigotry in the Republican Party. The comment was made by a young gay republican. First he commented on how "wrong" my video was, and that the GOP was not bigoted. Then he said he supported DOMA, because "gays don't need to marry." Then he said "Republicans have a right to hate gays! freedom of speech!" *so right there we know boy isn't firing on all cylinders, he officially doesn't actually know what he's talking about*

But his final comment (and he left quite a few) was this: "I'm not oppressed because I agree with them."

My point exactly. You slap yourself in the face in hopes they won't slap you. You shoot yourself first so that they don't shoot you. You swallow their hate and go along with their bigotry, and that way they don't direct their anti-gay hate at YOU, but at "those other gays."

It's actually sad what a person like that gets reduced to.

and remember: if you can tell gay guys that you're a republican, but can't tell all your fellow republicans that you're gay, then you need to sit and think about what that means for a few hours.

My friend Christian is a bit more direct:

"Two types of gay republicans come to mind:

1) The self-loathing homosexual who compartmentalizes his sexuality and attempts to minimize the role it plays in his and other gay people's public status

2) The money-grubbing libertarian who supposedly believes in civil liberties, but not in any kind of social obligation to fund, resource, or enable their creation or protection."

I'm kind of in love with him.

:-)

Love, Little Kiwi

Prop 8 Overturned!

2010-08-04T14:34:00.001-07:00

The Spike TV Guide To Being A Real Man

2010-08-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

Ah, Spike TV. The Network FOR MEN! WOOHOO! The network for guys who like "guy things" like tits, and beer, and explosions, and high-speed car wrecking accidents, and movies starring Chuck Norris.

Or something.

Look, I've enjoyed some programming on Spike. Heck, my MUM has enjoyed some of the programming on Spike. But you know, dudes and dudettes, some of it's just plain shitty. As shitty as Dante's Cove on LOGO was shitty. Mediocre. Pandering. Simplistic. Plebeian.

Oh, well.

You know, I'm starting to think there's more of a root of Class-System politics than mere gender-conformity issues at play here in the ongoing "what is a *REAL* man" debate. It's not so much about what one culture or group (or era) attributes to being manly, but more about how some of our more 'advanced' cultures and society's today are equating the blue-collar aesthetic with 'manliness' - the division is more socioeconomic and class-oriented than a simple perpetuation of gender-stereotypes. Nonetheless, the wheels of my mind are a'spinning and I encourage anyone else to share their views.

But some of that programming on Spike really does make it seem as if men are proud to be neanderthals. Eek.

Pride 2010 - NYC and Toronto

2010-07-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I had my first Pride in New York Fuckin' City! It awesome. Marched in the parade with my friends and activists who are "Queer Rising", and was blessed to be joined by a young straight buddy of mine who just kicks fucking ass while being impossibly gorgeous. Oh, how I love him for so many reasons.

It was fun. But Toronto Pride, I must confess, takes the cake. It truly is the best Pride celebration in the world. So inclusive, so diverse, so awesome. PFLAG was the honoured group in Toronto this year, so we led the parade. Joining us was Brian Burke, general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey franchise, and the US Olympic team. His son, Brendan, Came Out in 2009 - becoming a visible and inspiring advocate as a gay man in the sports field. Tragically, Brendan was killed in an accident in February 2010. Before his death, Brendan had been in touch with my mother, and was planning on marching with his father and us in the Pride Parade - fulfilling a promise they'd made to each other. This year, wearing Brendan's jersey, Brian Burke marched in the parade to honour his son. It was tremendously moving.

To Mr. Burke, to the families we represent when we march in the parade - we are ALL family. We are one. We carry each other through the hard times, and we celebrate the joys together.

Pride Forever.

POSER

2010-07-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

So, many moons ago I posed for genius photographer Caitlin Cronenberg, for a book of nude photography she was working on. Years later, it's been released. My MOTHER ordered a copy for herself. For real. Everyone's like "Do your parents know you did this???" And I'm like "Uh, yeah. My mom pre-ordered a copy more than a year in advance."

For real. I can't shock my family. They're unshockable. There's the book of nudes with their son in it sitting on the coffee table. Life is rad, eh?

Anyway, the book is gorgeous. BUY A COPY!

http://www.caitlincronenberg.com/poser

Here's an edited version of my pic, slightly lower-res than in the book. If you want to see what I look like naked, then you have to buy a copy. Or come to Brooklyn, cuz the chances of me sleeping with you (any of you) are pretty high, actually. Or just search really hard online. ;-)

So yeah. Me in my nakedness. I look so young! Pre-arm tattoo, eh?

Heheheheehee

Anyway, it was a great experience to pose for her, she's the hippest thing since interracial sex, and I adore her. And being naked is awesome.

Monster

2010-07-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

Because sometimes a fun night out means getting your neck bitten open and your heart eaten by a sexy boy who in reality is a sexy monster with a craving for flesh. Especially if it's by Brooklyn-based performance-art sexbomb ROCKIT.

Mel Gibson is a Complete Fucking Bigot

2010-07-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

I guess in addition to all of the more-than-obvious reasons to hate this piece of shit, there's also the reality that millions of "Christians", both good and bad, put faith in him to tell Christ's story from a place of genuine Christian love, whatever the fuck one even believes that means.

So really, we had a complete fucking bigot in charge of telling the story of Christ. I *HOPE* that many Christian communities are outraged about this. Something tells me they won't be.

So. He's on record for blaming the Jews for "all the wars in the world".

He also hates women and apparently fake breasts.

He likes to use the "N-word" and thinks that black men travel in packs, raping women who deserve it.

And, of course, his legendary anti-gay bullshit.

"They take it up the ass. [laughs, stands up, bends over, points to anus] This is only for taking a shit." —to Spanish newspaper El Pais when asked what he thinks of gays, in 1991.

"With this look, who's going to think I'm gay? I don't lend myself to that type of confusion. Do I look like a homosexual? Do I talk like them? Do I move like them?" —from the El Pais interview.

"I'll apologize when hell freezes over. They can fuck off." —to Playboy in 1995, about whether he'd issue an apology to gays and lesbians, as GLAAD recommended.

Growing Up Gay - A Childhood in the Closet

2010-07-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

The Ongoing Civil Rights Movement

2010-06-25T11:13:00.001-07:00

I first came across this when I was 10 years old, in Toronto, and learning about the Underground Railroad. It moved me then, and it moves me now. This is an important part of the ongoing battle for Equality, Civil Rights, and the freedom to live in a culture free of prejudice against minorities.

A biography of this remarkable woman is included in the book "Gay Icons" by Richard Dyer.

AIN'T I A WOMAN?

by Sojourner Truth

Delivered 1851 at the Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio

Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?
Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?
Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.
If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.
Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.

Sexual Revolution

2010-06-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

I always thought the guys who freaked out about "pride being an excuse for freaks to parade around" was the most cowardly, conformist nonsense. Yes, it IS a time for 'the freaks' to parade around, because if you really think about it, nothing these 'freaks' are doing is harming anyone, only the sensibilities of milquetoast ninnies who, I imagine, want straight people to think that our LGBT sex-lives are either nonexistent, or that we only have sex in the missionary position while dutifully fulfilling a respectable level of decorum: lights off, voices low and deep, going through the motions and not having 'too much' fun.
You know, that even though we're "queer", our sex lives are unimaginative and boring and no different from the boring sex lives of straight people who have so much time on their hands that they can't stop thinking about, and warning about, the sex lives of gay people.

I think there is a level of Sexual Revolution and Liberation tied to The Movement; I sort of reject the notion that Gay Liberation is simply about legal rights, and laws, and "helping gays appear normal.'
Fuck normal. I don't want to be seen as normal. I'd rather eat glass. NATURAL, but not NORMAL. Left-handed people are not 'the norm', they're not 'normal'. They are, however, naturally left-handed.

Fetish fairs, or the rad-wicked stuff I saw at Folsom yesterday offer people a view of what others like. what MANY others like. You don't have to be into any of that stuff, but it sure is interesting to see what others get into, and how they find freedom through sexual exploration. There can indeed be a profound emotional component and element of trust to S&M and domination roleplay.
Sexual Liberation: the freedom for an oppressed group to not only have legal Equality, but the mental equality to actually enjoy and explore their own person INDIVIDUAL sexualities (sexualities, not orientations...) with the freedom to allow themselves to indulge, explore, experiment and figure out just what their sexual appetites are, and how they are about them.

That people will have the freedom to explore and discover their own personal sexuality without fear of what others may think about it, or how they'll judge them. It just seems very clear that not only are LGBT people being denied Equal Rights, but a culture of anti-gay prejudice has also denied many gay people, especially males, the mental freedom to unapologetically and unashamedly explore their own sexual identitities - they're already 'gay', they don't want to be seen as anything "more weird". You know, "gay but normal." That's great if you are, uh, "normal", but I can't help but think that if you're comfortable in your normalcy you won't be offended by someone who's a wee bit more Out There.

like those people who say "those leather guys make us look bad"
uh...how?
what's bad about the leather scene? we're supposed to shy away because some unenlightened people don't understand something and choose to feel negatively toward it? I don't get that, and I think it's ridiculous for members of our community to join in with some "yeah, they're so weird, I'm not like THOSE people" mentality.
Why distance yourself? Why not challenge the idea that these scenes are 'negative'? You don't have to become a leatherdude yourself, lord knows I'm not into the extreme S&M scene, but I'm also not threatened by it, therefore I'm secure enough in myself to defend their right to do it, and to share it with others who may be curious or intrigued.

there is indeed a very strong emotional component to the cross-generational relationships that I and other friends of mine have been involved in. Father Figure? Perhaps, but in a different way from our own biological fathers, of course. The element of protection, nurturing, 'education' in its own way (use your imaginations...), comfort; it's a dynamic that is indeed reflected in gay adult erotica and pornographic films - sexual education so to speak. it's not that i think anyone is looking to actually fuck their biological father, and i'm not even talking about specific roleplay, but embracing the dynamic of an older gay mentor and a protege, be it sexual or platonic.

Some you can grow close to and genuinely look up to. Someone, often wiser, who can look out for you, keep you in check. Experience in life is something you want in a friend.

I'm still finding out who I am, sexually and otherwise. In a culture of oppression and bigotry and overwhelming cultural message demaning we all CONFORM! - I've struggled with the 'sexual' part of my sexuality; for years I was a gay man that was terrified of men. I thank GOD for the men I've known who've let me be open about this with them, and who've helped guide me, safely and securely, into discovering and finally ENJOYING my own sexual identity. That's sorta what a "Daddy" is, you know? The protector, the teacher, the man who helps you find yourself.

I mean, come ON, who DIDN'T fall madly in love with Baron Von Trapp in The Sound of Music.
I want to rest my head on his shoulder and have him tell me that everything is right in the world.
*swoon*
we all just want to lose ourselves in Christopher Plummer, admit it.
or Ed Harris, circa "the abyss"

re-focusing my Thesis Statement to Include the Reality That Gay Men are Living in a Patriarchal Heterosexual Society:

I've known gay men that have issues with performing oral sex, or bottoming - basically a fear of emasculation. They're ok having gay sex, as long as they're taking what they consider to be "the man's role" in the activities.

There are gay men whose sexuality as gay men, and as individuals, is crippled by how they've dealt with a patriarchal heterosexual society's 'ideas' about what Sex Is Supposed To Be, and What A Man Is Supposed To Be.
don't they say that all girls want to marry a man that reminds them of their father?
and that all boys want to marry a woman that reminds them of their mother?

i think with gay men, as many have pointed out, there are often unresolved feelings of neglect, anger, bitterness, about the tensions that arose in our lives. in the cases of some of us, because we're gay. in the cases of others, because the father may have had an addiction, abusive tendencies, or been an absentee parent.

this could affect how some of us deal with males, even on a platonic level and not merely sexual. Some gay men have terrific relationships with their fathers. Some gay men always had a father that was an ideal role model, and someone to aspire to be.

i think there's a beauty in having a relationship, platonic, romantic, sexual or some variation on those themes, with a man you can look up to. a man who can help you see things with a different perspective, as equally of value than gaining a perspective from a young guy, or another guy in your age bracket.
All I know is where I am right now, and it's a place I never thought I'd be, or get to, a few years ago. I'm learning a lot about myself, sexually, and that in turn is teaching me incredible (and specifically non-sexual) shit about myself that I would not otherwise have been able to process.

That through different sexual dynamics, and the emotional liberation to allow myself to experience them for what they are, I've freed myself from my own self-imposed mental/emotional/sexual prison.

Not to get all Shortbus about it, but I've had some "life-changing" epiphanies and moments during sexual activity. Not "the blowjob that saved the world", but the connected sexual encounter that broke through an emotional barrier.

I'm not saying "great sex will change your life" (but i aint saying it can't, either ), I'm saying that the sexual self can be explored, and many people don't allow themselves to express their own individual sexuality, and not because it's 'dangerous' or 'harmful' (i'm not talking about the risky stuff), but because society at large has a perception that it's "weird", or "immoral" even though that last one often can't really be justified
As Macy sings "You've gotta express what is taboo in you and share your freak with the rest of us, 'cause it's a beautiful thing"

Stand Strong with the Truth

2010-06-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

Genuinely, what possible rebuttal could one make to the truth this woman speaks? The Marriage Equality vote did NOT make history, it repeated the ugliness of the past. "Opinions" so baseless and willfully ignorant that no Senator dared make them, votes against gay marriage were cast with no reason given.

Logic was ignored and prejudice was embraced. Future generations will be ashamed. Of Diane Savino, however, future generations should be proud.

Thank you, Diane Savino.

Must See This

2010-06-04T16:34:00.000-07:00

The men and women who fought back and opened the doors for all of us.

Best Friends

2010-05-25T12:24:00.001-07:00

The little non-sequitur slices of randomness that define friendship in my mind. To my bestie back home in Canadialand, I miss you tonnes. That's right, American Spellcheck. TONNES. With two Ns and an E.

Got the Munchies?

2010-05-16T09:15:00.001-07:00

SEVENTEEN! The Musical

2010-05-06T05:33:00.000-07:00

A Brand New Nightmare (on Elm Street)

2010-05-01T21:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm a fan of the series. For nostalgic value, they're iconic. The series' mythology is hilarious plot-heavy, actually; the connecting threads between the original film and its sequels are lovingly preposterous. And I love them. The effects work is often replay-worthy. The heroes and heroines had more personality than the cannon-fodder in most other slasher franchises, and the sheer fact that the deaths involved dreams allowed for hallucinatory visuals and concepts that allowed for more imagination and creativity than the 'stalk-and-hack-and slash- the-victim' formula of say the Friday the 13th or Halloween film series', and their legion of cheap imitations (or "rip-offs").

Freddy had personality, he wasn't a faceless killer. Nor a silent one (ugh, from part 4 on it was Wisecrack Central. The humour of the first 3 was replaced by early MTV-generation pandering to the audience). Freddy was played in every film by Robert Englund.

Campy joke-filled, effects-driven, teen-oriented horror films about children fighting against a killer in their dreams, in a world filled with adults who won't believe them, the very adults responsible for Freddy's reign at the box office...I mean reign of terror.

The remake. Slick, artily photographed. More expository (ugh, why does every remake of a horror film have to be Exposition City? We don't NEED to know everything. It's scarier not knowing all the details) than the original, and it actually succeeds in an area that the original films often didn't measure up: it's legitimately scary. The new Freddy makeup is terrifyingly realistic, Jackie Earle Hailey is horrifying. Freddy is actually scary again! No offense to Robert Englund of course, who simply did what he could (which was perfection) in films that make Krueger an unscary anti-hero jokester.

The remake even riffs on the asinine jump-scare ending of the original film with a similarly asinine jump-scare of its own! Utilizing CGI! A little too much!

For real. We don't need CGI in horror, folks. It draws us out of the picture. Horror films don't get huge budgets, the CGI you fuckers can afford never looks good enough. So stop using it. You KNOW what I'm talking about, Mr. CGI Wall That Looked Like a Shitty Pre-Frighteners Effects Test.

Word.

The Frighteners was from 1996, yo.

Why you gotta look all crappier than a film that's 14 years old? Mhmmm. Shoulda just used a latex wall like in the original, muthafuckas.

All in all, a rad night out. A fun scary remake of a series that deserves more credit than it receives.

P.S. Long live the memory of three-times nancy

The Republican Energy Plan - Harnessing the Power of Bigotry!

2010-04-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

This is genuinely mind-blowing. I mean, *WOW*. This is the embodiment of the Republican Party in 2010.

Thank you, Anderson Cooper.

You know, when you think about the way Fox News is really just a Republican tool (run by tools, for tools, Tooley McToolersons) the more you realize that it will be studied in media classes for decades to come as America's own "Triumph of the Will".... minus any possible accolades for technical cinematic genius.

(Not-So)-Guilty Pleasures!

2010-04-01T16:23:00.000-07:00

Why does this world want to laugh at a guy in his late twenties that reads Jane Austen and owns a couple thousand animated films on DVD?

Why *don't* plebes enjoy Shakespeare?

If it feels so good why do so many people make me feel so wrong for loving it?

:-)

Love, Little Kiwi

Ricky Martin Comes Out

2010-03-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it's as similarly un-shocking as Clay Aiken and Lance Bass, but at least this one *did* have legions of fans (male and female, gay and straight) who might have harboured sexual fantasies. (yes,...even straight male fans, or lesbian fans...never underestimate the powers of latin hips!)

But I'm proud of him. Go, Ricky! While he may not have the fire of a younger fella like Adam Lambert (with his shiny glorious disco balls of brass), I too have to tip my hat to the slower (albeit necessary...) process of those who "Come Out on the sly..."; those who aren't Out right away, and come out later, once the trap of idolization and fandom has been set.

So, thanks Ricky! Hope to see you being an advocate, now :-)

MUAH!

Little Kiwi

Random Lazy Fuckin' Sunday!

2010-03-28T12:48:00.000-07:00

SPAM!

2010-03-24T21:16:00.001-07:00

The Choking Game

2010-03-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

Two of my best buds in the world have written a gorgeous ballad to the ever-popular children's game that kills many every year. Fucking GORGEOUS.

G O R G E O U S.

Sufjan Stevens wishes he wrote this.

DONT! The Musical

2010-03-01T18:51:00.001-08:00

Pitbull Love

2010-02-26T12:31:00.000-08:00

Just a little snap of the world's loveliest little lady. :-)

and her dog.

;-)

Boys? Men? Masc? Femme?

2010-02-13T21:27:00.001-08:00

Continued Conversations With My Mother

2010-02-10T13:29:00.001-08:00

Talking with my Mum about more LGBT issues, and our memories of Pride, The Closet, and more.

Fuck, I have an incredible family....

Love, Little Kiwi

Republican Bigotry - 2010

2010-02-03T14:32:00.000-08:00

McNuggets and Patti LuPone

2010-01-30T13:54:00.001-08:00

What Is Monogamy All About?

2010-01-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

Ever have that moment where you start to rethink every 'value' you ever thought you held and started to think that maybe you might not be the person you thought you were?

The concept of monogamy: Something I'm fine with. The concept of a more open sexual life: Something I realized that I'm fine with, too.

Now, I'm not talking about polygamy, per se, but my issues with polygamy are not in how "it affects me" (because it doesn't), but rather the concept of 'freedom' when entering into a polygamous relationship. If polygamy wasn't practiced under the guise of religious expression where (and let's be honest here) women have no real voice or power, and MUST marry lest they anger their deity or their man, well, I'd say it was fine. Polygamy, as it stands now, is mostly practiced by males who 'own' women. If that wasn't true, there'd be more women taking multiple husbands. Fat chance, eh? Ugh, patriarchal societies are so predicable....

I tried breaking the questions in my mind:

complete emotional, sexual (and romantic) trust is not exclusive to monogamy.
it's possible to have a very deep, meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a sexual partner that is not your chosen romantic life partner, and have it be in no way detrimental to your chosen romantic life partner.

(holy, trying to find other ways to say "boyfriend/husband", eh?)

Now, it's not for everyone. and it will not work for every couple. just like monogamy doesn't work for everyone.
gay males have a shared orientation, but that's just our orientation, it's not our sexuality. we each have our own individual sexuality, with our own individual sexual appetites, urges, desires, and capacity for emotional-sexual relations.

and it really goes for all humans. Read the Kinsey research, folks.

and it's not just about *FUCKING*, either.

remember, folk. open-relationship doesn't even necessarily mean "married but with one night stands".
i know i'm not the only human being who enjoys getting to really know and befriend and develop connections with my sexual partners...
it's not just about "being free to fuck a random hot guy".

i've been Out for a while now. i have seen all kinds of relationships thrive, and all kinds of relationship fall apart.
the only universal constant is that we're all diverse.
i thank GOD for the sexual partners I've had over the years, from what i've shared and learned from them, and i'm not just talking sexually, boys.
we're all different. nobody's experience or 'love' is any less rich than anyone else's because one couple is monogamous and one couple is open.

while one couple may say "We're so in love that we don't want to be with anyone else" another couple may say "We're so in love that we can share sexuality with others, and each other, with such trust and understanding that there's no fear or feelings of jealousy"

viva la shortbus generation!

i know how i feel about monogamy. i know how i feel about non-monogamous relationships.

i don't know where i sit in terms of it now, personally, for me. And of course, i cannot say where those thoughts will lead in the near and distant futures.

But I'm thinking. And thinking is always a good thing.

One day, maybe i'll wanna get ----gamously gay married. i can't say poly or mono yet. we haven't decided as a couple.

Riff and Prot Propose Marriage

2010-01-24T17:01:00.000-08:00

Little Kiwi's Word Museum of Wonder and Terror

Ally of the Year

It's the Little Things...

Brian Burke - A Proud Ally

Make it Beautiful

The Unbearable Whiteness of Being

You're Not *Really* Anti-Gay

Do You Even Know What You're Talking About?

Savage Honesty

The Work

Zachary Quinto Officially Comes Out

Thought For The Season

WHY oh WHY?!?!

Saying Goodbye to a Hero

Carrying Self-Hatred into Adulthood

352.6 Miles or 567.454694 kilometers (as we say in Canada)

Anti-Gay Rabbi Believes God is an Anti-Semite?

That's Just Racism

Childhood Toys

When It All Goes Wrong?

ROCKIT

Bert & Ernie, "Roommates"?

How Not To Hit On Me

Pitbulls Are Lovely

Hissey Fit

GOProud, My Ass

my first trip to Fire Island

More Squishy Babies

The Invasion - Fire Island

NYC Pride 2011

Marriage Equality Comes to New York

Lessons From My Father

WEINERGATE! Aka, Lamest "Sex-Scandal" Ever

The Best Way to Put Someone in Their Place

Phoebe Cates Made Me Gay

Feeling Sigourney

A Tree of Life Grows in Brooklyn?

EX-GAY Confessions/Lies/Apologies

The Rapture. Armageddon. End of Days.

International Day Against Homophobia & Transphobia

Oops...

Never Blend In

Mother's Day

The Death of Osama Bin Laden

A Father's Message

Anti-Gay Conservatives Still Love Lesbian Sex

Don't Fear Barbra Streisand

Support for the Trans Community

Queer Talk - Part Four

Queer Talk - Part Three

DADT and Affirmative Action

Queer Talk - Part Two

Queer Talk - Part One

HAM BISCUITS

DADT Repeal - And So It Continues....

Gender-F**K

Colds: The One Thing Everyone Loves To Share

The Importance of Being Allies - How Supportive are Your Supporters?

What's Next For Andrew Shirvell?

Gender-Nonconformity

Purple Power

Why Are Bigots Obsessed With Sex?

Solidarity - Visibility - Coming Out Day

It Gets Better, BD says so. And I'm his friend. So there.

Shitting on the First Amendment! The Musical

Do YOU Find This Funny?

Crazy Closeted Andrew Shirvell

What Company Do You Keep?

When This World Gets Too Crazy....

Send in the Clones OR Who Are Your Friends?

Confessions of a Mormon Missionary - Part 1

4:41am Stoned Thoughts on Gay Republicans

Prop 8 Overturned!

The Spike TV Guide To Being A Real Man

Pride 2010 - NYC and Toronto

POSER

Monster

Mel Gibson is a Complete Fucking Bigot

Growing Up Gay - A Childhood in the Closet

The Ongoing Civil Rights Movement

You're Not Really Anti-Gay