Little Kiwi and Bauhaus

Little Kiwi and Bauhaus
A Boy and His Dog

Monday, 13 October 2008

Cuz I's Bein' All Thankful N'shit

So it's Canadian Thanksgiving, which is like American Thanksgiving but without the aftertaste of aboriginal genocide, the raping of natural resources, and the spreading of syphillis.


So I'm thankful this year for a lot of things. I'm thankful for the clarity of mind that I often consider to be more of a curse. Do I become a grump about things (very) occasionally? yeah. But if it wasn't for those moments I wouldn't have the highs that come after, which are truly fucking spectacular. I love my friends. I love my family. I love that I can be who I am, in every respect, to these people and they love me BECAUSE it it, not in spite of it. That's not usually the case for most of us gay people.

I have a mum and dad that don't treat my sexual orientation as something that "doesn't matter". Quite the opposite. They think it does matter. And they celebrate it. It's pretty rad.
I'm Thankful for that. I used to say my life is blessed, but I'm struggling with that concept right now. Does that mean that everyone with shitty parents and crap friends, or no friends, is not blessed? Are there blessings, or is it all sheer dumb luck? Or is the blessing not the things we have in life, but how we deal with the things we have?
I have no idea. Expect further explorations into the realm of Philosophy and Religion from me, for now all I really know for sure is that I have a rockin' family, the best friends in the world, and they give me the support system I need to curb my overriding cynicism that I'm sure is far too overwhelming for most people to deal with.

It's funny, when you go your whole life feeling completely and utterly misunderstood, you let that feeling taint everything else that follows. We need to let that go. It's amazing when you look at yourself in your mid-twenties and you see....the loser queer faggot nobody that your primary school "peers" insisted that you were. You see the unworthy, also-ran chump that your ex-boyfriend convinced you that you were for farrrrrrrr too fucking long. Why is that? Why don't we see the person that our best friend sees? Why don't we see the person that the people who truly KNOW and LOVE us see? We get so convinced that we're what our enemies say we are, that we put greater value on that bullshit, than the truth which comes from those who know us best.

I'm thankful for finally being able to recognise it. I haven't truly adopted it into my mind yet, I still struggle with self-image, I still struggle with self-worth, but at least I know I'm struggling with it, and not simply being victim to it.
I used to wish that I was stupid, because stupid people always seem to be enjoying life so much. Everything is uncomplicated, everything is simple, everything is free from the overanalytic thought processes of the Intellectual.

But I don't know if that's really happiness. It's so limited. You only know joy when you've known true sorrow. You only know light when you've experienced pure darkness. You only truly know a great mind when you've dated a completely moronic pumped-up prettyboy with a drug addiction and a tendency to get abusive when he drinks (hourly) whose "hot looks" act as compensation for his mediocrity in all other areas.
Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.


I'm just saying, I'm thankful for awareness. I embrace the sting, for I have faith there will be sweetness that follows, even if I have to wait a while for a taste.


Little Kiwi Loves Bauhaus

Little Kiwi Loves Bauhaus
Good Dog!