Pop Goes the Culture?

Because Ordering Takeout Can Be Difficult When.........

AND THE PREQUEL

Life Goes On, Bigotry Remains?

My best friend was recently contact, via facebook (of course), by an old friend from high school whom he has not seen or communicated with in about ten years. They were good friends in their early teens, and truth be told, for a very long while Mark was her only friend.

This is an exact transcript of how their first exchange in 10 years played out.

Crystal Schlieker November 30 at 7:40pm
Mark--It is wonderful to find you here. My mom told me that you got great reviews in Omaha last week. I was back for Thanksgiving, and it was too bad that your concert wasn't a week later. I am in Chicago now--if you are ever up here, let me know! I hope you are doing well, and I would love to stay in touch!

Crystal

---------------------------------------------------

Mark Equality Willett November 30 at 10:15pm
How's Chicago? It's good to hear from you.

I guess you should make sure you know who I am before you decide if you want to see my statuses pop up on your page. I'm very out and proud and have become a firm believer in equal rights, especially for gay marriage. It's important to me.
I'm not sure we would see eye to eye on these things. When I was in HS you told me you were afraid for my soul because I was gay and warned me I might go to Hell. It's something that's stuck with me my whole life. I'm not angry or anything, rather, it helped me decide that my life was not wrong and that I was born this way. And knowing I was definitely born this way, I can take comfort that I am still a good person and will be loved in the afterlife for being true to who I was made to be.
I'd love to keep in touch either way, but I'll hold off on us butting heads with my sexuality over Facebook, for now.
I treasure all our memories and friendship.

Fondest,

Mark

---------------------------------------------------

Crystal Schlieker November 30 at 11:05pm
Chicago is good! I have been here just over 2 years, and I love it. It has taken me a while to get adjusted back to America. I don't know if you knew or not, but I was in China for five years after college. I just moved back to America in 2007.

I want to thank you for your candidness and please know, that I would very much like to keep in touch regardless of what we agree or disagree about. For me, facebook is an easy way to do that, but if you perfer to have my email that is also fine. It is true that we do not see eye to eye, but please know that I have always loved you very much. I actually have been hoping to get back in contact with you for a long time. My beliefs are unchanged, though perhaps now at the age of 29, I am sure I would have more tact in expressing them, then I did ten years ago! Please know that I am not looking for a facebook argument, or any kind of argument for that matter! I have many friends in all different walks of life, and I am not one to get into cyber discussions about much. So, as long as you are also ok with seeing my statuses pop on your page, I am also fine.

I have always loved you as my good friend and also remember and treasure so many memories! I would really like to know more about what you have been up to with performing, etc. My performing is now limited to a great show for 2nd and 3rd graders. But I love it...what can I say.

Crystal

Giving Thanks to Our Heroes

The Voice of a Demographic

Buddies

Born Gay into the World of the Latter Day Saints

I received this email today from a friend. It's a forward of an email he sent to a member of his family. My friend is gay. My friend was born into a Mormon family. He has since left the church.

I asked him, today, if he still identified as Mormon.

His reply:

"I attended church growing up, but I never really believed it since I was old enough to think critically about it. I believe there's the possibility of something out there, but nothing we're capable of comprehending literally"

I think his letter speaks volumes about the effect this religion has on many LGBT people born into it, into a world full of rules and laws that restrict who they are as human beings.

This is his letter------

"It's hard not to feel "judged" or "disliked" when you write things such as "Please understand that this is the plan of the same sex issue people...it is not just "acceptance", it is to silence and destroy their opposition, to redefine religion and ultimately to erode faith in an all knowing and loving God," being fully aware that I fall into this category. Your own words do nothing but show your disdain for me and the rest of the gay community, including those completely comfortable with their sexuality and their Christianity. There's even those who struggle to maintain their sexuality as well as their LDS-upbringing, generally to the detriment of both. I feel pity for those that are so conflicted. Your own words, were they to be read by a teenager struggling with this issue and had respect for you, would be put in danger of taking their own life. It's not surprising, yet so tragic, that Utah leads the nation in suicides for boys at this difficult time (15-24). http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,635201873,00.html How many of them do you think are children of people who feel and speak just the way you do? Empathy is not something native to many Mormons, more like "our way or the highway" (as evidenced by my brother who referred to those in disagreement with the Church's standing on Prop 8 as "not true Mormons."

To clarify why I may not speak to you respectfully, it's because in these and many ways I don't have much respect for you. Your words are dangerous to those who are most vulnerable. I'm on a couple social sites that are geared specifically towards gays/lesbians. I make it clear in my profile that I was born and raised Mormon, and at least once a month or two I get someone from somewhere in the country who messages me struggling with the very issues I described above, asking for my advice and how I got through it. I feel bad I can't help them more, since my journey coming out was much easier, since I had gotten over the whole "burning in hell" thing years before. And no, I don't automatically advocate them leaving the church and say that they'll for sure feel much better once they do. I can't wait for the day when they don't have to go through this at all, because I believe the church will rescind their policy of discriminating against their gay and lesbian members (just like they changed their policy about "dark-skinned people"). After all, it's all about gaining more members, and if a policy, such as doctrinated racism, becomes unpopular to the public, then the Chuch will eventually change their stance. And once again, the Church will do a fantastic job of re-writing their own history to their members to make them feel comfortable that it was never an issue at all. No one will have the need to "redefine religion" because the church will do it itself in order to survive in a more progressive world.

If you had the heart to listen to these kids, I don't see how you could possibly feel like this is just some "choice" that one day people wake up and decide they want to try... For most it's years of confusion, fighting it, guilt, religious contradiction, and fear of abandonment by those who claim to love them. Some of these kids become adults who get married and have children, being told by church leaders that once they're married these feelings will just go away. This horrid policy that was the norm 10-30 years ago is destroying families all over. After all, it's no longer just the husband/wife that becomes affected, it's their spouse and children. Luckily that policy changed, and now (from what I hear from these kids and adults still attending church) bishops tell them to remain celibate until they "get over it." Though still a sad, impossible mandate, at least it allows the person time to figure it out on their own before jumping the gun and getting involved with someone else.

I truly wish you had to go through what the "not true Mormon" parents of gays and lesbians did, and their conflicts with loving their children and still feeling part of the LDS Church (or hey, even the ones who did decide to abandon their child; I'm sure even most of them felt it was a difficult choice). After all, hearts and minds are softened one by one, as the general public discovers more and more that they are close to someone who is gay. As much as you like to believe in these "umbrella gay groups" that tell me how to think and behave, I don't need to be told that I want to be with someone I love and cherish, or that I would like to be accepted fully by family. Neither do the rest of the gays and lesbians, at any point in their life. If you were capable of thinking about gays and lesbians as fellow human beings (brothers, sisters, parents, children, best friends, coworkers, etc.) rather than "same sex issue people," you would know it too."

Thank You for your honesty, my friend.

Maybe God is Tryin' to Tell You Somethin'?

Straight Acting? Str8-Acting? Bull-Shit?

Buddies Hanging Out

Sometimes One Person Can Liberate Many

Beautiful, Eh?



Be Silly. Laugh more. Dance more. Care less about what you think others will think

Love, Little Kiwi

Drunk Voicemail Time!

Capitalism: A Love Story

Random Crazy Thoughts

Juice

JUICE.....and more. Much more! Much MUCH more!

Love, Little Kiwi

Time To Open Your Eyes

I love this ad. Love it. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Simple. Effective. Rad.

Overheard in New York City

Because a Girl's First Time is Always Adorable

Gettin' Existential

And by "existential" I mean "totally lit"....but it was in Canada, by a lake, so that justifies everything.....

Socialist Threat? REALLY, people?

Riff and Da Boys

In Defense of My Glorious Femme Brothers

The utter bullshit that is "Why Do Some Gay Guys Act Like Flamboyant Girly Queens"?

*ahem*
Now, who asks this question? Simple - gay men who are still terrified of what straight people are thinking about them, as gay men.  Truth.

Let's approach this from a place of reality and honesty.  Before a person is Out, they've been living an inauthentic lie of a life.  They've been Playing Straight.  What does this mean? It means they've lived in a way that has been coloured by a need to "not let people know that they're gay" - that *need* is eliminated when one Comes Out.

Now, it's very hard to "be yourself" when one does not know how to "be themselves" because they've spent years being someone else to society. Why do some guys have a change of energy, and perhaps get more flamboyant, when they intitially Come Out? Because they're doing everything they weren't allowed to do, or couldn't allow themselves to be, when they were living in the closet.  There's no longer a need to "appear straight" - no LIE to keep up.  You force out everything that was oppressed and many times it comes out in one big sparkly explosion. Does it last? Sometimes. Sometimes people just get it all out, find that the new energy is not "them" and find a new way to be. The real question is: "Does it matter?" They're hurting no one at all by wearing tight jeans and shirts.

What about the images other gay guys create? The 19 year old white boy decked in Abercrombie or thug-gear, flashing gang signals in his profile photos and trying (in vain) to pose "straight"? I'd lay down a year's salary that baby aint in a gang, but he flashes the gang signals because in his social sphere, that's considered "cool".
See what I mean? We all have our own image of how we want to be seen.

You see them and you see *girls* and you don't want to date *girls*. *yawwwwwn* Ugh. That's fine. Just as long as you realise that when many people see you they'll see a poseur-whiteboy trying to be 'thug' and not succeeding, and that will be a reason why guys will not want to date you.

I have, however, never in my life seen the "flamboyant femme guys" rudely judging non-flamboyant, non-femme guys. Ever.
You find me one profile that says "not into masculine butch guys" "not into guys who act 'like men'" or the bullshit that is "Being gay is just a small part of who i am..." and the downplaying of orientation in your life. it's just nonsense.

i challenge you. Honestly. Find me five profiles that put down non-femme gay dudes. Heck, find me ONE.
What you'll find instead is profile after profile putting down "femme" guys, and more nonsense about being into "guys who act like guys, and are 'str8-acting', and don't act all gay and aren't flamboyant and aren't all about being gay". These profiles also have a high tendency to list ethnic requirements for dating too (ie, the ubiquitus "Not into fats fems asians or blacks"), suggesting some real insecurities and issues at work, but hey, that's another topic.

The Gay Community doesn't tell anyone to fit a stereotype to be considered Gay. It's the fault of the Not-OUT non-femme gay guys for not having a visible enough presence, socially and politically, to have their own equally-accessible community.  Ignorant straight people and insecure homosexual men are the ones who falsely claim that there's a "pressure to be one kind of gay".  I call bullshit on that.  There pressure is on folks to NOT be "that kind of gay" because "that kind of gay" is mocked and belittled by ignorant straight people, and the insecure homosexuals who suck up to them for tolerance.  GOProud anyone? Exactly.

Do i notice that some gay guys embrace a more feminine aesthetic when they come out? Yes.
And I also notice that the only guys who have an 'issue' with it are massively insecure types who pride themselves on their ability to (often in their eyes alone) "pass for straight". The guys who justify being gay by embracing the stereotypes of the hetereosexual male population instead.  And who, exactly, can't tell that they're gay?  Non-Savvy straight people?  Anyone can "pass" if they want to badly enough.  But it's about as noble as tip-toeing around the blind.  I've never met a gay man I couldn't tell was gay - when you're Out long enough, and have interacted with enough varied types of LGBT over the years you learn to see past supposed "stereotypes" and are able to identify Family.

Newsflash: really, truly masculine guys don't give a fuck if another guy acts more 'femme' or not. in discussing your attitudes about femme guys, all you dudes have done is shown your own insecurities about being gay. know it. think about. work on it.

Dudes who are clearly still a victim of emasculation issues.

Newsflash Number 2: all this "be a man" talk? men have balls. many of you are not fully Out. therefore you have no balls. be a man, grow a pair, and come out, instead of sitting here judging and criticizing the 'femme' guys who DO have the balls to be Out. that's another part of your critique of them: you see how they dress, and how they act, and you think they're 'feminine' and weak......but these prettyboys are fully Out. And a lot of you are not. Therefore you're emasculated by them. They're femme and they're unafraid, and you mock them even though you have less courage than they do. it's blatantly obvious to anyone who knows anything about Human Nature.

and i repeat: find me ANY profiles online that put down "masc guys". i challenge you. you'll find plenty of "not into fats, fems asians or blacks" but i doubt you'll find any of the opposite.

why? because those who no longer give a fuck about people knowing that they're gay don't spend time worrying about such things.

saying that you're "masc" is like saying that you're "cool" - to be it, one must first stop hoping that people think you ARE it.  

too many gay men think "masc" or "masculine" means "nobody can tell that i'm gay" - NONSENSE.  one can be visibly, identifiably, obviously GAY and still be, and embody, what society deems to be "masculine" - and if you disagree then you prove that you still see masculinity through the prism of heterosexual, misogynistic anti-gay prejudice.  

and that's not very masc of you, bro. ;-)

masculinity, being a societal concept, clearly means something different to everyone.  so if and why you use "masc" as a descriptor, just remember you're likely to be disappointed that people don't assume it means the same thing as you.

Disappointing 1980's Horror Film Memories

See These Eyes So Green?