Little Kiwi and Bauhaus

Little Kiwi and Bauhaus
A Boy and His Dog

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

My Mum, ever the class-act, calls out Mayor Ford

Yes.  Sochi.  The embarrassment that was the Sochi Olympics - where athletes and medal winners confronted the oppressive hatred of the Russian government with the courage and integrity of a bowl of mashed potatoes.   Meanwhile, in major cities across Canada and the world, Pride Flags had been flown - a sign of solidarity to the LGBT people of Russia who would be beaten, arrested and possibly killed for doing the same thing.  Naturally, this upset the power-stripped crack-smoking Mayor of Toronto, one Rob Ford.

Naturally my mother, in all her grace and class, put him in his place. Mum, you had betta WERK!


Ben said...

Hello. We were debating/arguing on the 'No Hetero' blog. I maintain that it was an inappropriate venue (consider yourself duly admonished), but was left with the feeling that there was some worthwhileness in the debate we were having. I moseyed around your blog a little, which served to confirm this suspicion.

So... care to dance?


Little Kiwi said...

Sure thing, Ben. I will say, however, as a former professional dancer, that I'm used to leading.

As for being admonished - I remain puzzled as to why a Closeted 26 year old runs a gay blog, complains about "how gay people are seen" and doesn't put two and two together.

Now, what did you want to talk and dance about?

Ben said...

Splendid! Thanks for your graciousness in accepting. I should begin by apologising for implying that you may have 'an issue' and accusing you of discrimination. A wee sojourn through your writings here suggests that I was wide of the mark.

I think what got my goat was your forwardness in randomly appearing in No Hetero's comments, as if from nowhere, with quite a broadside attack on his life choices and possibly even his moral fibre. Having exchanged a few emails with him and found him to be a thoughtful, sensitive, genuine, decent guy, you can imagine how I felt duty bound to spring to his defence.

Whilst I don't disagree at all with many of your expositions on these pages of the guys you and others have encountered, I do think you should have been more careful on this occasion about categorising someone based on limited knowledge gained from what is an anonymous and generally light-hearted blog.

I suppose I am also stung by implied criticism of my own situation. Not everyone knows I'm gay. I don't routinely tell people. In fact, I think I've only had one conversation in my life which had that as a specific goal - although plenty of people do know, either because I've mentioned it or they've worked it out.

I admit that like a lot of gay people, there was a time when I actively worked to conceal my sexuality. I told myself that it made life easier. But I haven't done that for quite a while. My belief is that surely there has to come a point in human history when being gay is not a 'thing'. Where you just go about your business, in full view of whoever happens to be wandering by, and not have to announce anything or mount a campaign or rebuff criticism or feel in any way different from anyone else. In my mind that's what I'm trying to do, and I think that is largely what No Hetero is aiming for too. That's not at all to denegrate those who do engage in activism of that kind - their end goal is presumably the same after all.

I'm actually shit at dancing by the way, and horribly self-conscious about that sort of thing, so you're sure as hell gonna have to lead.

This is a long comment. Feel free to email me instead if it's easier:

Little Kiwi said...

Well, thank you for your reply, Ben. Unfortunately, as I've read mr. "No-Hetero"'s blogs, it becomes very very clear that he's allowed himself to become stagnant: whilst worshipping straight culture and making numerous complaints about "how gay people are seen" he also continues to give excuses to not Come Out.

My issue with that is compounded with his blog - and his boasts of self-styled "masculinity" - none of which can be backed up or verified in any way, at all.

There's a difference between me going about my every day life and not being aware that I'm "not telling people I'm gay" and mr. No-Hetero, who since he's still closeted is every day, in every way, aware of his conscious decision to not Come Out, or give any "indicators"

As I've written about, many times, I do what I do in the way that I do it because I'm a strong enough man with a stainless-steel spine - I live OUT because far too many choose not to. No-Hetero, for all his boasts of masculinity and manliness and how "not gay he is" - doesn't do that. By all means, like I've said, take your own time in coming out. But *use* the time to work toward it - not to sit stagnantly waiting, and not growing. I'm troubled by a gay blog that is obsessed with heteronormative ideas around "masculinity", as his blog is, all the while being written each day by a grown-adult CLOSETED man. It's not healthy for him, nor his "followers" - none of whom, from what I've seen, are able to "show themselves", either.

It's clearly not empowering any to live a more open and authentic life - quite the opposite; it's validated remaining invisible.

people are free to remain invisible. i just wish that while being invisible they'd kindly remember that change only comes from the work done by those who DON'T remain invisible.

Little Kiwi said...

And to add to it - how utterly annoying it was to read a blog about frat-culture from a closet-case. Sorry. Beyond annoying. How enlightening - a closeted white boy says frats were great. And nobody knew he was gay. Try frat life and blogging about it, as an openly gay man and then I'll care.

Ben said...

I don't think this is quite the black and white issue you portray it to be. And I'm not sure that your brand of absoutism is helpful to everyone. This isn't a perfect world.

Can any of us honestly say that we could live the life of someone else and not make the same choices they do? To some extent, we're all a product of our environment, and there are many complex reasons why it's more difficult for some people to escape that - and plenty of reasons why some may not even want to.

My basic point is that we can only see things through our own filters. If we don't agree with or understand things people do, or fail to do, then that is simply because we are not them. Making judgements on the merits or validity of those actions is therefore something that must be done with great care.

Your deconstructions on this blog of some apparently conflicted individuals are certainly amusing, but I don't know if I can muster the same sense of outrage at their behaviour. Not necessarily because I don't share your belief that they might be deluding themselves, but because the image they present does not represent their whole, and we have no way of knowing what else is going on to make them behave as they are.

As for the particular subject of your criticism above, well I could probably tell you things that would alter your view. But that is not my place.

I'll quote this back at you if I may: "I live OUT because far too many choose not to". Presumably that's only a secondary reason - the main one being that it became, at some point, the correct path for YOU to take.

Little Kiwi said...

As you admit to still being someone who is not actually Out, to everyone, I have to take your comments with a grain of salt. Or a few heavy shakes of it. No-Hetero is a closeted homosexual who blogs about "gay things" from the limited perspective of being a closeted homosexual - and about straight things from the limited perspective of being a closeted homosexual. His reasons or excuses for being closeted are pretty irrelevant - he's not Out. He's not seen and judged and viewed as a gay man, yet. His boasts of the grandness of frat Culture, are thus nonsense. yay - a white boy who is not openly gay enjoyed Frat Life. stop the presses. what would have been interesting? the experiences of an openly-gay guy in the still non-integrated world of College Greeks.

You forget that as a completely 100% Out man, i can actually see through more "filters" than those who are closeted. I've lived a closeted life. I gave tit up, nearly 15 years ago. I can still view things from the prism of a Closeted Existence, because *i've been there* - a closeted guy, on the other hand, has not yet been were *I* am.

If his path is to be Closeted - he'd better serve his readers by actually talking about it. As opposed to his usual comments worshipping straight culture from a closeted male perspective, and complaining about "gay stereotypes" and "how gays are seen", also from the perspective of a closeted grown adult who refuses to stand up, be counted, Come Out, and change perceptions via living authentically.

Little Kiwi said...

To be real, BEN, guys dont' get over their learned cultural insecurities and prejudices if they wake up every day and spent their time reassuring themselves that all the lies they tell themselves are true, and continue to justify staying closeted, every day. Progress within comes when you stop telling yourself the same things you've told yourself every day that have kept you Closeted.

if you'd like to tell me things that would "alter my view" - I welcome it. Feel free to tell it to me from the same place of visibility that I make my statements, however.

I welcome dialogues - i remain unimpressed with dialogues where one party is visible, and the other hides behind internet anonymity.

Ben said...

Hi. I was enjoying our discourse, but I sense a growing tone of annoyance at your end, which is a shame, as I think there's a good chance we'd get on rather well in 'real life'.

There seems little point in continuing if you're determined to regard whatever I say with mistrust since all you know about me is my first name and location. Short of providing a copy of my passport or perhaps my bank details I'm not sure I can bridge this gap for you.

Sweeping aside everything someone says (without, I might add, addressing a single one of their points) because of some perceived deficiency in their behaviour or character does not make for a productive debate.

So I give up.

Ben said...

I enjoyed it while it lasted though ;-)

I'll keep an eye on your blog if I may.

Little Kiwi said...

Hey Ben, it's all good. I noticed No-Heteros post about me, which I replied to on his page in a rather thoughtful way - to clear up the apparent confusion over my statements. He deleted it, and will not allow my post(s) to remain. Which is disappointing - a blog post, about me, critical of me, made by an anonymous man, who refuses to allow the *non-anonymous* man in question (myself) from offering his own chance to clear the air and explain. It's a disappointment. I've not shown you my bank details or passport info - I do, however, blog from a place of visibility. And I agree with your last statement - No-Hetero and his buddies would rather sweepingly dismiss all that I said, and construct strawman arguments, than deal with any of the specifics I brought up in a meaningful and honest way. I noticed on his blog that only 15% of his readers are 100% fully Out. And that he himself can't even say he's gay, just "into guys" and "non-hetero" - unfortunate that those who are not Out don't choose to even read the words of one who is, and whose blog contains many messages and guides for coming out. Oh well.

Little Kiwi Loves Bauhaus

Little Kiwi Loves Bauhaus
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