Where to begin, oh where to begin? Right. I sound like a stereotypical fag, and he doesn't sound at all like a stereotypical insecure self-hating resentful homosexual who bases his entire sense of self-worth on how "straight" he thinks he appears. It's so funny, in a tragically sad way, how guys like this fella don't realize that in their desperation to not be "stereotypically gay" they become a neanderthalian caricature of themselves.
Note the specific uses of "feminine" (ignore his spelling errors), "Fag", "stereotypical", "str8". Priding himself on his belief that people can't tell that he's gay. The words, terms, and concepts that only insecure homosexuals cling to, obsess over, find a false sense of security in.
If you're going to send me unsolicited messages with the sole intention of being a trolling idiot, I'm going to blog it. I can't imagine he'd object to this being published, though, as he apparently has been Out since he was 12 and has never, at any moment in his life, been treated badly or with prejudice for being gay. This, by the way, makes him the first gay man I've ever encountered who has not had even one negative experience in his life with regards to anti-gay prejudice. And there's no way he's lying, because people never ever lie.
Even from a psychological standpoint his "arguments" (if they can even be called that) make no intellectual sense: Wow, "a big part" of why you never got treated badly was because you were "not the stereotypical fag?" How wonderful for you. Now, if you as a proud gay man who's been Out since he was 12 (yes, and I'm secretly dating Prince Harry) didn't in turn stand up in solidarity with your *ahem* "stereotypically faggy" brothers, then you're not terribly brave, nor were you actually accepted by anyone. You were tolerated. Conditionally. The condition being that you were not "a stereotypical fag" - instead you were a stereotypical coward who based his identity on Not Being A Stereotypical Fag.
I don't know any confident, Out, masculine gay men who talk like this guy. I don't know any masculine gay men who denigrate and distance themselves from perceived-"femmes" - that's what insecure homosexuals do. Call me crazy, but I don't associate insecurity with masculinity. Insecurity is for boys whose balls haven't dropped. Not men.
For some reason the Anonymous Internet Dwellers like to pretend this is merely an issue of "preference"or "masculinity" - it aint. At no point in my entire life have I ever denigrated "masculinity" - why would I? For me to "have a problem with masculinity" would certainly come as a massive shock to my friends, gay and straight, and a good number of my lovers. Yeah. I said it.
There's nothing inherently wrong with masculinity, or concepts of it. And the same thing goes for femininity. This is something that guys like "ruggedguy" here don't seem to understand - to them, "fem" is inherently bad. It's a negative. Fem. Stereotypical. Fag.
Yeah. You totally sound like a comfortable, confident and well-adjusted homosexual. The problems arise when one puts down the other to attempt to boost their own stock.
"I'm so masculine that I hate femme guys", said no confident and empowered gay man, ever.
As for stereotypes, it seems some people mistakenly believe that "Stereotypically Gay" means one thing, and that one thing is "Sparkly and Glittery Singing Showtunes Over Cosmos". But it's not. I'd know he was a 'mo on the street, and that's a GOOD thing. There are all kinds of stereotypes: I myself am a rather obviously stereotypical Shaved Head and Tattoos Gay Who Also Wears Combat Boots. You can be visibly, identifiably and OBVIOUSLY gay without being "feminine" - something these boys don't seem to want to understand. Gay Jocks. Gay Preps. Gay Bears. Gay Thugs. Gay Geeks. Gay Artists. Gay Gay Gay. And being obviously gay is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a great thing. Diversity in Visibility, brothers and sisters.
Oh, and for full disclosure, as I have nothing to hide - here's my own Scruff profile, so you can see what this guy was attempting to comment on.
I also like his comment that I need to leave more room in myself to change. I agree, in theory. But I don't see how adopting limitations and imposing ceilings on myself is a positive type of change one should aspire to. I'm not going to go through life with one hand tied behind my back, and it's a little bit funny that one would suggest that I'm not being open-minded enough to the possibility that...I should be more closed-minded? It's like when you engage in a discussion with a Subway Preacher, who tells you that you need to be open to the possibility of becoming more closed-minded like they are. "Don't be so closed-minded, my friend in Jesus! You need to be OPEN to the truth that I'm telling that everyone ELSE is wrong!"
Sure thing, sugarpie.
And the comment that guys like him aren't into "chit chat". They are, apparently, into writing rather epic little essays.
Now, online apps are a great big sea of diversity. Some looking for a quick hook-up, some looking for a long term relationship, some looking for buddies. But they exist in a weird universe where a person will make comments on their profile that they'd never have the orbs to say in public.
"No Blacks"? Really? I dare you to put that on a tee-shirt and wear it into a bar one night. See how many friends you make.
If his point was simply that I didn't need to list the things I didn't like (ie, the mascVSfemme divisions, the racial-prejudice-preferences, the HeySupHowzitGoingSupYo? conversation non-starters), then I could simply take it and say "Ok, I'll think about that." That his entire tone, however, is expressed via uses of "Stereotypical Fem Faggot Homo Fag" only proves my point, and is indeed the reason my profile calls that stuff out - people's prejudices on the Online World are continuing to go unchecked. If you want to make a point that a person doesn't need to point out the things that they're against, and want to claim that others should give themselves "room to grow", you might not want to start your conversation with "you stereotypical feminine fag." Just a thought.
You become aware that some guys speak an entirely different language than you.
"Hey. Sup? Hey, wassup? How's it goin? Hi. Hi, sup? U lookin? Got pics? Ur close. Where u at? Hi dude, wassup, you got pics and lookin cuz Ur close?"
To those that speak that particular language, best of luck. Just remember this - rather than asking people questions it might make your own life easier if you're simply clear about who you are, what you're looking for, and what you expect. Don't ask, TELL. And when it comes to stating your preferences, remember that not only your preferences, but the language you use in which you describe them, can also make it very clear what your prejudices are.
And your insecurities.
Here's the reality, if you really wanna pare it all down - there is no Masc, there is no Femme - there is only gay. And brothers that stand alongside one another are stronger than those who work to create distance.
A parting message from this fella, alternately left on another profile:
Thank you for making my point for me.
I kind of want to put that on a tee-shirt.
I kind of want to put that on a tee-shirt.